Epiphany Mama

The new garden

2010-06-28T10:53:00.005-05:00

These are my baby plants! Yes, I know the garden looks dry. I watered it after I took the pictures. :) This is a little cucumber plant.

Here are some squash plants. They are either acorn squash or zucchini. My marker blew away when it stormed this weekend.

These are definitely little zucchini plants. They are getting big fast!

Quincy Graduated Preschool!!

2010-06-28T10:51:00.002-05:00

Look how big he is!!

sigh

2010-03-07T23:42:00.002-06:00

After watching two hours of sappy television, I am reminded that relationships are hard. They take work. They don't just miraculously maintain themselves and stay all happy and emotionally healthy. I don't expect sunshine and rainbows and roses all the time. That's not realistic. Perky and smiley once in a while would suffice. It gets old being the only perky one in a relationship.

Also, I have a slight self-destructive streak. I tend to destroy things when they get good. I also have a history of dating people of questionable psychological well-being. Okay, I lived with a psychopath for the better part of a year. It was not a good year.

With all of that, I wonder how anyone is ever certain that the person you love will be around in 30 years. Or even that the person you love is the person you should love. The person who is best for you and are you the best person for them? I mean, how do you know? All through school, I was taught to show my evidence and support my position with facts, but how do you do that with a marriage?

Why is the grass always greener??? Where is this all coming from?? Am I supposed to spend my life questioning my relationship? or should I just have faith that all is well and not worry so much?

Hiatus

2010-03-04T11:46:00.002-06:00

I took a long hiatus from writing here. Working as much as I was doing combined with holiday stress and illness to exhaust me.

I've been writing....just not here. I write a lot of lists. :) Grocery lists. Things to do lists. Lists of school systems that are hiring and aren't thousands of miles away from here. I found a few of those by the way and will hopefully be getting some interviews this spring.

I make lists of all the weird things Quincy does. He's started singing songs he hears in the car. He goes crazy when I don't let him pick his own breakfast. He hates to have a toy taken away. Turning off the radio in the car will make him immediately stop whatever annoying this he's doing (last night it was playing with the window). Getting in the tub makes him want to take a bath. See, he's an interesting little boy. He sings Plain White T's, Outkast, and Presidents of the United States of America. He asks me to turn on Relient K in the car.

He asks me every other day to take him to big boy school (kindergarten). He keeps telling me that he plans to learn things all of his life. At five, he has hopes and dreams. He has fantasies about what kind of career he will have (policeman), what kind of cars he will own, where he will live, who he will marry, and how many children he will have. He can articulate these future plans clearly. At five.

I can't tell you my future plans clearly and I am way past five. What do I want to be when I grow up? Where do I want to be? Good questions. I have only vague answers.

I took a recess from writing, but not one from thinking.

Merry Christmas

2009-12-24T19:28:00.002-06:00

We've been busy around here all month trying to get ready for the holidays. Quincy found the time to do this:

Currently, There are No Jobs.

2009-12-02T21:51:00.002-06:00

That's what the Subfinder system says. It's the thing I go through to get sub jobs so I can have money to pay my student loan payment. More often than not, I hear that sentence above.

As a sub, I am required to work 5 days a month to remain active and able to sign up for jobs. My goal is to work 10 days. That's only 2.5 days a week and you would think it'd be easy to do, but no. Last month, I worked 5.5 days and that was hard to do. I had to go to a school I never go to because it's the most urban of the schools around here. They have lockdowns there regularly due to gang activity and fights. Nothing happened when I was there, but still, it was a stressful day.

Speaking of stress, I am constantly worried about making my student loan payments. I never know if there will be sub jobs from one day to the next. My student loan payments each month are figured based on a loan consolidation that I did a while back. My husband has discovered a new way to consolidate through my loan provider so I am filling out the paperwork for that if I do stay home tomorrow. It's based on income and I would basically be paying $200 a month. That equals out to about 4 days of subbing a month and much less worry.

One problem with subbing is that I already work 35-40 hours at my full-time job so, even though I know I need to work about 3 days a week, I don't want to. I just got home from work about 9 p.m. tonight and that's about average. About once a week, I work later one night. That makes me really not want to get up at 6 a.m. to go to a school.

This is also the last year that Quincy will be home during the day. Next year, he'll be at Kindergarten. *sigh* My baby! in school! every day! I have set a goal to find a job during school hours only by the time he starts next August. Considering how many times I have sent out my resume recently, I am hoping that is doable. There seem to be a lot of jobs around here, but there are also tons of applicants for every position. I try to apply for the ones that say minimal applicants.

Well, it's time to go check Subfinder again.

Biting My Nails

2009-11-08T21:06:00.003-06:00

I am pretty much shaking with anxiety tonight. Two things are making me that way.

One--Quincy threw-up late last night, but has been fine since. It was pretty traumatic for me to get woken up out of a deep sleep by the mess I had to clean up. I'm sure it was hard on him, too. He stayed up for 2 hours, watched TV, and then went right back to sleep. Too good to be true, right? I thought so, too. Then, he played all day and was full of energy. Now, he's asleep. He fell asleep around 8:15, just like last night. I'm hoping we don't have a repeat.

Two--I am subbing tomorrow. Normally, that wouldn't make me nervous. Sometimes I am little apprehensive if it's a subject I've never subbed for before, but that's about the only time I get like that. I was a little worried about Friday when I subbed for a Driver's Ed teacher. Turned out, I had no reason to worry. It was a fun day. Tomorrow, though, I am subbing for a Boy's Wellness teacher. Now, that just means gym, but still, I have no idea what I'll be doing, but I bet I won't be showing a movie all day. I'm not even sure I'll be in a class room!

I'm going to try to relax because I have to get up really early tomorrow. I'll probably post about how the day went later this week.

Plain and Simple Neglect

2009-10-20T22:35:00.002-05:00

The last few weeks flew by. First, there was Fall Break, when I planned on getting lots of stuff done, but did nothing. Then, there was last week, which was a repeat of Fall Break. So far, I've managed to get the grocery shopping done this week, but that's about all. In my defense, I came down with some mystery illness last Friday morning and still don't feel totally like myself.

Anyway, that's why I haven't written anything. Well, that, and I spend too much time on Facebook.

I am going through some kind of what-if phase. Like what if I'd done this instead of that when I was 25 and so on. It is pointless, because I always arrive at the conclusion that, yes, life would be different, but I wouldn't have Quincy. I might have other children, but none would be him.

Then, there's the what if something happened and it was just me and Quincy tomorrow. Would I be able to support us with my current jobs? (No. We would have to move.) Where? Who would keep him while I worked? I get all tense thinking that way. I should stop.

Maybe this is some sort of midlife crisis kind of thing or maybe it's just my own neurosis coming through. I don't know.

I do know that a topic of argument around here has been how much my husband has to work to pay bills and how much he hates that. If I made more money, I wouldn't have to listen to it every month. That's probably a huge source of these scenarios that my mind creates.

I spent far too much time daydreaming about change and far too little making any.

Tidbits

2009-09-27T21:20:00.005-05:00

I don't have any really unified thoughts that would make a good long post so this will be a bulleted one.

These last few weeks have been fairly uneventful as far as subbing goes. I've subbed for the same teacher several times so his kids are used to me and I know their names. Nothing really exciting there.

Tuesday night, there was a job at the high school that is closest to my house so I signed up for it as soon as I saw it. I must not have looked too closely because I went there Wednesday morning thinking it was just a job for that day. When I got there, there was a note on the desk thanking me for subbing for the next three days! I called home and had my husband check and, yes, it was for three days. Ooops. I am still tired from that.

Speaking of my husband, we are stuck in the discussion about whether to try for another baby. I finally decided that I'd like to, but he thinks that another baby would "ruin his life." So if I were to get pregnant, he would hate me. It's a circular fight and one that I hope we resolve soon.

Quincy went on his first trip out of town with my husband but without me this weekend. He went to Oak Ridge, TN to visit his grandmother and great-grandparents. I think he had a good time. When he was ready to come home on Saturday afternoon, he went out and got in the car without saying bye. He must have thought that it was time to go.

While he was in Oak Ridge, he got up very early, like 6 a.m. early. This morning, he woke up around 6:45. I am hoping this doesn't happen again tomorrow.

I am currently obsessed with The Gourds. I have listened to their version of "Gin and Juice" at least three times today. It's a bluegrass version done with some mandolin. I love it!

In Memoriam

2009-09-16T14:10:00.013-05:00

I've been reading Tennyson and various other poets thinking about the recent death of my old friend Kris Bristow and the death two years ago of Craig Duvelius. Kris died from a sudden illness and Craig from an accidental overdose. I was reading Howl earlier and was struck by the first few lines of one of my favorite poems of all time.

Excerpt from Howl by Allen Ginsberg:

For Carl Solomon

I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness,
starving hysterical naked,
dragging themselves through the negro streets at dawn looking
for an angry fix,
angelheaded hipsters burning for the ancient heavenly
connection to the starry dynamo in the machinery of night,
who poverty and tatters and hollow-eyed and high sat up smoking
in the supernatural darkness of cold-water flats floating
across the tops of cities contemplating jazz,
who bared their brains to Heaven under the El and saw
Mohammedan angels staggering on tenement roofs illuminated,
who passed through universities with radiant cool eyes
hallucinating Arkansas and Blake-light tragedy among the
scholars of war,
who were expelled from the academies for crazy & publishing
obscene odes on the windows of the skull,
......
incomparable blind streets of shuddering cloud and lightning in
the mind leaping toward poles of Canada & Paterson, illuminating
all the motionless world of Time between,
Peyote solidities of halls, backyard green tree cemetery dawns,
wine drunkenness over the rooftops, storefront boroughs of 
teahead joyride neon blinking traffic light, sun and moon and
tree vibrations in the roaring winter dusks of Brooklyn, ashcan
rantings and kind king light of mind,
......
who talked continuously seventy hours from park to pad to bar
to Bellevue to museum to the Brooklyn Bridge,
a lost battalion of platonic conversationalists jumping
down the stoops off fire escapes off windowsills of Empire
State out of the moon,
yacketayakking screaming vomiting whispering facts and memories
and anecdotes and eyeball kicks and shocks of hospitals and jails
and wars,
whole intellects disgorged in total recall for seven days and
nights with brilliant eyes, meat for the Synagogue cast on the
pavement,
who vanished into nowhere Zen New Jersey leaving a trail of
ambiguous picture postcards of Atlantic City Hall,

_______________________________________________________________________________

As you know, the poem itself is very long. Certain lines just strike me today.
Like these:

who drove crosscountry seventytwo hours to find out if I had a
vision or you had a vision or he had a vision to find out Eternity,
who journeyed to Denver, who died in Denver, who came back to
Denver & waited in vain, who watched over Denver & brooded & 
loned in Denver and finally went away to find out the Time, &
now Denver is lonesome for her heroes,
who fell on their knees in hopeless cathedrals praying for each
other's salvation and light and breasts, until the soul
illuminated its hair for a second,

________________________________________________________________________________
Obviously, the Denver lines are about Neal Cassady. He's one of my favorites also.

This Week's Adventure

2009-09-04T21:50:00.002-05:00

I substitute taught two and a half days this week, which is so far my record this year. Sometimes there aren't any jobs. Sometimes I have lots of stuff to do and can't get to any schools. There are ALWAYS tons of jobs on the days when I have a million things to do. Why is that?

Monday was an awesome sub day. I had Sophomores in an English class at a school that is only about 20 minutes from here. The kids were pretty good and the teacher had two inclusion classes so I had help some of the day. The only thing that I didn't like was that it was one of those days where the teacher had left me a movie to start each class on. That means that all five classes watched the first 50 or so minutes of the same movie all day long. I rented the movie tonight so I can see something beyond the first half.

On Tuesday, I subbed at the school I used to teach at. I always expect that to be a negative experience, but it hasn't been so far. People I wasn't even friends with when I taught there are nice to me. It's kind of weird. Anyway, this was a Sophomore English class, too and she also had two inclusion classes. The difference was that she only had three English classes and the other two were Yearbook. The Yearbook classes are pretty much self-sufficient so that was fun.

On Wednesday, I subbed at the middle school directly behind our house. I had to be there at 7:05 a.m. because the teacher had bus duty. It was a five minute commute maybe. I loved that! I subbed for a Chorus/Music class. I only had two classes really and, while they were harder to deal with than the high school students, it was still a good day. These were 8th grade classes mostly and they just did not want to get quiet. The half class that I had were 7th graders and they were great kids. I usually like 7th grade better than 8th so it didn't surprise me any.

That was my week minus the dental experience. I hope next week is just as good!

The Dangers of Google Dentistry

2009-09-02T18:06:00.002-05:00

I went to the dentist a couple of weeks ago and, while he was poking around in my mouth, he found a cavity in the side of a tooth that wasn't even showing up on x-ray. It was under a filling. "Lovely," I thought.

I got home and I started thinking about how if it didn't show on the x-ray, then there was no way to know how big it was without just going ahead and filling it, right? I didn't really think anymore about it at that point.

Fast-forward to last Friday when my tooth began to hurt off and on. I asked my dad, who has had four root canals, what it feels like if you need one. He said that it would hurt a lot. It was kind of a dull ache and it seemed to only hurt at the end of my day. I took some Tylenol and thought that would take care of it. I had an appointment to get it filled on September 8 after all.

Well, it hurt all weekend. It hurt all Monday while I subbed for a Sophomore English class. It hurt Tuesday when I subbed for another Sophomore English class. I called the dentist's office Tuesday afternoon and asked if they could squeeze me in, soon. Then, I went home and googled "root canal" and "root canal symptoms." What I saw scared me because I had some of the symptoms.

I went into the dentist's today well informed and scared to death. He gave me two shots of novocaine and started drilling. He drilled off and on for over twenty minutes. I thought that drilling the old filling off would take a while and I was right. After those twenty-plus minutes of starting and stopping, he pronounced it a run-of-the-mill cavity and not even that big of a filling.

I should maybe not google these things. I scared myself a lot. At least, I didn't look at the pictures though!

Craziness

2009-08-25T18:24:00.002-05:00

These last few weeks have been just full of crazy stuff going on.

On the job front, I need to go test for the Department of Human Services position sometime soon. It's a full -time position and the test is fairly simple. It's even on computer! It's just a matter of finding the time to drive to Nashville and do it. In the meantime, I am back to substitute teaching, which I thought would be enough to keep me busy. It's not. I am lucky to get two days a week, but school did just start. I am still at Domino's thirty hours a week. It makes getting up for school awesome. Really.

My fifth anniversary is coming up on Saturday. Some kind person in my husband's band booked a show for that night so I'm going to that. Quincy is spending the night with my parents, but I won't really get to spend any more time with my hubby because of the show. I guarantee he'll be home around 4 a.m. and I have to open at Domino's Sunday morning.

Other than that. an old friend of mine died Saturday, August 15th. It was completely unexpected. I used to see him all the time on my Facebook chat list and Yahoo chat list and it's sad not to. I was never able to spend much time with him because all of his get-togethers took place while I was working. I'm always working. The funeral was perfect for him. It was the first funeral I have been to for someone I wasn't related to.

That's about all that's going on right now. Just busy, busy, busy!

The Rest of the Garden!

2009-08-10T12:04:00.015-05:00

Okay, I posted pics of what came out of my garden for today. Here's some pics of the garden and what's still in it.

These are the cucumber plants and some of cucumbers still in the garden.

Here's the bigger view of the cucumbers. They have really spread out.

These are the zucchini plants. They have gotten pretty tall and are starting to crowd the tomatoes.

Here's one of the zucchinis growing. There are a few more beginning to grow, but none of them are big yet.

These are the tomatoes and some of the pepper plants. You can see them, but there are about ten tomatoes of various size growing. They are still all green at this point.

This is one of my green pepper plants and the mini green pepper that is growing. There are a few others on the second plant.

Pardon my hand in this picture. This is the tabasco pepper plant. It has an amazing amount of peppers on it. I don't know what we're going to do with all of them.

This is the really big cayenne pepper plant. It was the first one planted and is much bigger than the other two.

These are small banana peppers that are growing on the biggest plant. I have no idea why it's bigger than the other eight plants. They all have some tiny banana peppers on them. I don't know what we'll do with all these either. Pickle them?

Last picture! One of the nine jalapeno plants and some of the peppers. There are about 15 more growing.

Today's Harvest

2009-08-10T11:59:00.003-05:00

Here's everything picked from the garden today:

Cayenne peppers. jalapeno peppers, and tabasco peppers

Also, one cucumber. There's about four more that will be ready to pick tomorrow.

Two good-sized zucchinis, too.

That Month went Fast!

2009-08-04T09:23:00.003-05:00

On July 24, Quincy and I left for Edisto Island, SC. That's it in the picture above.

The week before we left was a flurry of preparation--shopping, packing, running around like crazy getting stuff done. We got all packed and left on time though. I got poked and smacked and, sometimes, punched on the way down there.

It was vacation, but I spent lots of time on the phone with my husband checking to make sure my garden got watered and the dog got walked. I was worried!

I have lots of pictures to bore y'all with. Quincy at the beach. Quincy in the pool. Fort Sumter. An alligator at the Charleston Aquarium. Yay! Stuff to look forward to.

In the meantime, I rode in the middle of the backseat of my parents' truck all the way back. The drive took 12 hours and my right shoulder/neck may never be the same. As soon as I don't hurt anymore, there'll be a long Edisto post. Also, a garden post.

Oh, and I am now on the job list for interviews for one job with the State of Tennessee and going to test to get on the eligible list for another soon. So all is well on the job front!

I've been wronged!

2009-07-14T23:12:00.002-05:00

We let Quincy play out in the backyard often. Today, he wanted out to work on his garden. He planted grass in it yesterday and thought it needed something done to it.

Anyway, he decided that they grass needed trimmed so he borrowed my scissors that were out there and went to work.

Meanwhile, in the house, I was eating my lunch while my husband washed the dishes in the kitchen and watched Quincy out the window. He looked away for a moment, only a moment. I heard him say, "Oh, no!" That got my attention.

He opened the back door really quick and yelled at Quincy, "Why did you do that?" In the meantime, I ran to the door to see what disaster had happened.

I have had one cherry tomato plant in my garden this summer. This past week, it got eight little green tomatoes on it. I've been pretty excited about having eight tomatoes at once.

Quincy cut it down with the scissors. His reason? "I don't think I like tomato plants"

There'll be pictures tomorrow.

What does this say about me?

2009-07-11T23:35:00.002-05:00

I realized the other day that it's a good thing I'm married because I have questionable taste in men. I mean, I find myself attracted to guys who would be good fling material, but not relationship material.

I got lucky with my husband. I mean, sure, he annoys me sometimes and we have the same fight over and over, but he has redeeming qualities. He is amazingly responsible with money and with things like life insurance. He cleans the house because I am often completely exhausted when I am home. He does the dishes because, well, I don't.

Would another guy do that? Maybe.

Would guys I think are attractive (ie. good for a roll in the hay)? Probably not.

I wonder sometimes if I am good relationship material. I mean, I'm almost always in a good mood. I usually have a smile for anyone. I like to push to get the necessary tasks done so I have free time to sit on my ass. This would be why I make lists. That way, things get done. The whole sitting on my ass a lot thing does not make me a great catch though. It does mean that I probably know what is happening on my favorite TV show at any given time. Oh, and I read a lot of books. A lot. Really.

The Gardening Bug Bit Quincy!

2009-07-01T09:20:00.008-05:00

Or maybe he just really, really likes mud! When he was almost a year old, if he got mud on his hands he would stare at it and then cry until we washed him off. Now, he loves to make mud. He loves to play in it.

He says that he's gardening. What do you think? It looks like playing to me!

Notice the mud puddle below him in this one and the pic below this. He made that with the hose.

He also got a little wet while messing with the hose.

He's checking out his feet here.

This is after playing in the mud the next day. Doesn't he look proud?

And his feet again! He took a much-needed shower after this!

I am an angry 4 year old boy!

2009-06-22T22:11:00.002-05:00

That's an apt description of my child.

He's mad because we won't buy him this toy or that toy. He's mad because I won't stop at McDonald's at 9 o'clock at night. He's mad because Wubbzy isn't on all the time, or we made him leave the playground or sit down and eat lunch or told him to stop spitting. Whatever we have done, he's angry.

He spent the last week in Florida with my parents. They frequently heard, "I'm mad," and ,"I'm angry." He had to be carried out of a toy store because they took him in just to look. Last night, my mom would not let him have a steak knife at the restaurant they were at and he pitched a fit. He told me that he understood that the knife could hurt him but that "Grandma was supposed to share her knifes."

When he gets mad, he spits. Unless he's angry because we're trying to leave the playground, then he runs away. Once caught, he yells, screams, and kicks his feet. It's awesome.

My sister thinks he needs to go to some sort of anger management/behavioral class. My friends with 4 year olds tell me that this is mostly in the realm of normal behavior. Is it? Any suggestions?

Life at the moment

2009-06-19T23:05:00.004-05:00

My husband and I are nearing the 5th anniversary. I'm happy. I guess. Is a happy marriage one that you're content in? I'm content and comfortable. And annoyed.

I get tired of being home alone all the time with no one to talk to but my 4 year old. I am tired of never spending any time with my husband. Scratch that, we spend time together, but we're both asleep.

Is marriage, at this point, supposed to feel kind of like having a roommate? One who kisses you in passing every once in a while?

Maybe I read too many romance novels and have seen "Twilight" too many times. I want my relationship to be similar to Edward and Bella's. To be someone's "own personal brand of heroin." Is that even possible after this many years together?

Quincy has been in Florida all week and we really only got to spend one day together. Well, we spent Sunday together, but I had fever and was pukey and nauseous. I'm not counting that. Our one day together, we had two arguments. I thought one of them would never end. Quincy gets back tomorrow and I am looking forward to that.

I'm so glad I'm on the other side of this now..

2009-06-10T21:15:00.002-05:00

Last week was by far the most stressful week that I have had in a while. Hubby has been talking about moving for months now and waiting for our lease to end. It finally ended and he gave them notice that we were moving. I was not really asked for my opinion on it. We spent four frantic days looking at house after house. Each one we looked at was worse than the last or more expensive or further out of town. Truthfully, my husband found something wrong with every house we looked at. Some were in bad neighborhoods. Some were under high-tension power lines. Some were near cell phone towers. We found two that we really liked. The ads said nothing about pets so we asked. Neither one allowed pets. They had left that out of both ads. Bleh.

By last Wednesday, I had experienced a panic attack followed by tears pretty much every night. I was certain that we were going to end up living in my parents' back yard because we had no place else to go. I knew that we couldn't stay here because he'd already given notice. I NEEDED to know where we were moving RIGHT THAT VERY SECOND every night. I had to pack. I had to call the water department, the electric department, the phone company, Books from Birth, Insurance, the cable company, and the student loan people. These things take time. Time we did not have. So by Thursday, I was determined we would find something that very day. We didn't. Not even close. It was time to pay rent for our last month. We drove to our rental office where I told our son that he'd better enjoy his sucker from there because he'd never get another. I waited in the car with him because I just knew I'd cry if I went in. My husband was in there forever. He came back out with our lease renewal paper. He had talked to the manager and renewed our lease for another year! Yay!

It took me several days to feel like myself again. I resumed by search for a day job this weekend, but I didn't update my resume until today so I probably passed up a few that were available. Here's hoping someone calls me for an interview because I have to pay those student loan people somehow.

Deceptive Photography

2009-05-28T20:46:00.006-05:00

Today, we took a trip to the park. Quincy had fun on the slide!

He even had fun posing for pictures!

He thought it was great to peer out at me from the holes.

And, again, the slides were awesome!

What was not fun was leaving. When I said that it was time to leave, Quincy ran the other way. There's lots of unreachable places at the playground. I could see the benefits of a leash for a 4 year old. I finally cornered him, picked him up, and carried him to the car screaming. Other toddlers were leaving and not screaming. Not mine though. Mine screamed all 20 minutes of the ride home. We're not going back to the park anytime soon.

sigh I wish

2009-05-26T00:45:00.003-05:00

A side effect of the over-analyzing/over-thinking thing is that it eats up large amounts of my time. I tend to do it when I'm alone, which is much of the time (pretty much always at night until 4 a.m. or so). Since I have no one to talk to, there's nobody to keep me from thinking myself into a funk.

I HATE thoughts going round and round in my head. It makes it really hard to lie down and go to sleep. I should have done more today, then I would have something to be tired from and be sleeping now instead of rambling incoherently.

I wish I had a husband who was home at this hour, who got up with the sun and spent mornings with me. One who did not sleep half the day and stay up half the night. That schedule is great for single people, but not so much for a marriage. I knew he was a late night owl when I married him, but I hoped it would shift a little. Yes, I know, people don't often change in any important way. It's unrealistic to expect that someone will. Still, I wish.

While I am at it, I wish he wrote me poetry or songs. I wish he made me laugh more often. There's something great about a person who can make people laugh. I wish he remembered birthdays and bought cards. Also, Mother's Day. *sigh* I wish he were around to make me smile more.

Yes, I'm being unrealistic. I know he'll never change. Still, I wish.

What I Learned

2009-05-22T22:14:00.002-05:00

I almost have a Ph.D. in English. I am really only lacking my dissertation. I love books. Put me in a room surrounded by books and I am in heaven. Put me in a room with old books and I am in awe. Maybe I should have picked up a Library Science degree, huh?

One thing I learned in grad school was to pick literature apart. Not just books, also poetry. I can explicate a poem (which is really just a close reading) to the point of writing a good ten page paper on it. I actually wrote a thirty page paper once on three poems by the Cavalier poets. I don't remember which poems or which poets at this point.

My point is that I know how to analyze. That's pretty much what I learned. I analyze things to death sometimes. I also overthink situations. I've been known to still be trying to figure out what someone meant by something they said hours later. I guess there's good and bad things about being over-analytical. I spend a lot of time in my own head, usually going in circles, but not always. That's not necessarily good. I am also good at stepping back from situations and getting some perspective on them. I guess that's good.

I spent much of my childhood with my nose buried in a book learning from other people's experiences. Sometimes that's the best way to learn.

Shouldn't I have outgrown this?

2009-05-16T21:45:00.000-05:00

(I am posting this from the laptop. I hate the laptop, but the main computer won't boot so here I am.)

I hate blushing. It's involuntary and the more I try to stop, the hotter my face gets. It's embarrassing. Okay, it usually happens when I have said or am thinking something embarrassing. Case in point: I mentioned the post a few posts back about police officers and how cute they are to, surprise, a police officer this afternoon. I did not describe anything in it. I merely said that I wrote about cops a few weeks ago. My face immediately turned what I am sure was a brilliant shade of crimson. That's what it felt like anyway. It got so hot that I had to fan my face. Shouldn't I have outgrown this about 15 years ago?

I'm pretty sure that Quincy will have the same problem when he gets a little older. He is very fair-skinned. He turns red if he gets the slightest bit hot. If it's really hot out or he has been running a lot, he gets even redder. I have yet to see him blush though. I mean, why would he be embarrassed? We stopped for Chinese food on the way home and he told the lady at the counter that he had to take a big pee. He announces his poots almost every time he does one. I guess he's not old enough for embarrassment. Lucky him!

My son has no future in crime

2009-05-15T08:38:00.002-05:00

It seems that the ability to lie is genetic and my son got my inability. I was always a crappy liar. Now, I rarely even bother. I can do the white lie, but the big ones elude me. I always give myself away. I used to envy those people who could lie smoothly, but, enough about me.

I meant to post this yesterday, but it was Quincy's graduation from his 3 year old preschool class and then I had to work so there was no time. It's been a crazy week. I have pictures from the graduation that I plan to post this weekend.

Getting back to the subject at hand, I was happily watching "Criminal Minds" the other night when Quincy came walking into the room with two Sharpies without lids. He had been quiet in the living room, but I assumed he was watching something on Noggin. I was obviously wrong. I looked an him and said, "What did you do?"

He ducked his head and said, "Wellllllllllll...."

Again, "What did you do?"

He said, "I colored on the big TV screen."

This got me up. I went into the living room and he really had colored the big TV screen. There were big loopy scribbles on it. I said, "You'd better hope this comes off," and got the bottle of rubbing alcohol and some paper towels. As I started cleaning, I reminded him that his Daddy would probably punish him if he found out about this.

It came off! I said, "Quincy, you are lucky that came off. Don't tell your Daddy what you did."

Five minutes later, my husband came walking in. He forgot his cell phone and came home to get it. By this time, Quincy was sitting quietly on the couch. As soon as my husband walked into the living room, Quincy looked up and said, "Daddy, I colored on the big TV screen with Sharpie, but Mommy got it off, so it's okay!"

It took him 30 seconds to give himself away. My husband and I looked at each other and laughed. I said, "Well, he'll never be a criminal!" Really, a police officer would ask, "Who did this?" and I can just see Quincy raising his hand and saying, "It was me! I did it!"

All You Need is Love

2009-05-09T21:49:00.004-05:00

That's the song I was listening to on the way home. The conversation went something like this:

Quincy: "I want to be a firefighter when I grow up!"

Me: "I thought you wanted to be a policeman?"

Quincy: "NO! I WANT TO BE A FIREFIGHTER NOT A POLICEMAN!"

Me: "You could be a Marine first. Grandpa was a Marine."

Quincy: "NO! i DON'T WANT TO BE A MOE-RINE! I WANT TO BE A FIREFIGHTER ONLY! YOU LET ME BE A FIREFIGHTER!"

Me: (quietly) "I didn't say you couldn't be one." (singing along to song)

Quincy: "YOU STOP TALKING! JUST BE QUIET!"

Someone was testy tonight!

Job Fair, heh...

2009-05-04T17:18:00.002-05:00

I went to the countywide Teacher Job Fair on April 18. Guess how many phone calls for interviews I have gotten from that? Go on, guess. Zero. Even from the one school that told me I'd get an interview!

I maintain my opinion that every administrator in this county knows every other administrator AND that they have a super-secret lunch where they take all resumes received and discuss each one. As in, "Do you know this candidate?" "Would you hire him/her?" etc., etc. The super-secret get-together is probably not true, but I bet there are phone calls to everyone on the resume before an interview is offered, which means, in my case, that no interview is offered.

I am not discouraged. Okay, a little bit. I still want a library certification because a job working in a room filled with books sounds like heaven to me and shouldn't a job be like that? Heaven, I mean.

How to finance the going back to school and the paying of the student loans? I'm considering that now. I'm not sure I could do those seven classes, plus the required internship, plus the stress and planning associated with teaching secondary full-time. All the classes are online. That means no hurrying to campus or anything. I figure I can apply for a graduate assistantship when I apply for the program. They're awfully stingy with the graduate assistantships these days though. I doubt I could count on it.

Alternatively, the state is hiring for DHS. It's basically data entry and interviewing people. There's a test required to get the job with basic grammar questions and common sense situations. I'm fairly certain I could pass that. What do you think?

Quincy--0; Sidewalk--1

2009-04-27T20:27:00.006-05:00

Usually Mondays are uneventful. I have a day off and I go grocery shopping. That's about it. I know. Exciting.

Today, we set out to get Quincy's hair cut. It was long and looked bushy. I conveniently forgot that most barbers are closed on Monday. Two shops later, we found one open. It was at The Avenue, an outdoor mall here in town. I hung out with Quincy during the hair cut and Keegan browsed Best Buy. Afterwards, Quincy and I headed for Best Buy, too. Keegan met us on the sidewalk and the adventure began.

Quincy decided to run away from us and back towards the haircut shop. He was wearing Crocs. It was a bad idea. He got about six or eight feet away and then boom--faceplant. He slid on his forehead and nose, with most of the impact being absorbed by his head and nose. He ended up with a goose-egg on his head and a scrape below that. His nose bled like crazy. It took six wet paper towels to get it manageable. When we headed to the car, I had another three paper towels in my hand and his nose continued to bleed for ten minutes. He also scraped up his left knee. He looked like he'd been in a fight and lost.

Here are some pictures once we got home. He had stopped being upset by this time.

Well, mostly stopped being upset anyway. He looks kind of sad in this one.

A close-up of the forehead!

That's not blood that I didn't scrub off on his nose. That's an actual scrape where he slid. Ouch!

Looking pretty relaxed here after some candy.

The times, they have changed

2009-04-25T21:32:00.002-05:00

When I was younger, I liked men who stood out in a crowd, who broke the rules, who maybe wrote poetry or sung songs. They usually had long hair, maybe a tattoo, probably a piercing. Most of them skateboarded or spent way too much time playing hacky-sack. They all had one thing in common--they were rebels in some way or another. Perhaps just in the way they thought.

Now that I'm older, I still think the bad boys are kind of cute, but not nearly so much as I used to.

The men I normally gush about being cute are almost always police officers. Show me a nice, crisp uniform and a gun belt any day and I am happy. Seriously, I got to deliver to the house the police have made their headquarters in the Tornado Zone last weekend and it took me three days to shut up about it. Never mind that I completely misspelled the name of the cop I delivered to (so much so that I made up a new last name). I was thrilled by the $5 tip. I mean, who doesn't like tips? But it was the nice, cute cop that had me smiling when I talked about it later. Even my husband was teasing me about this all week. He was amused.

If someone had told me ten years ago that I would eventually find the good guys as fascinating as the bad, I would never have believed them. Amazing how things change.

The tornado that crossed the road

2009-04-21T22:57:00.008-05:00

This is a photo of the tornado that crossed the road and prevented my visit to the doctor on Friday, April 10.

What we saw did not look that big. That part of it was up in the clouds, swirling.

We left our house in Rockvale a little after noon that day. We planned on dropping Quincy at my parent's and heading to the doctor. That^^^^ threw a wrench in our plans.

As we travelled up Memorial Blvd., which is one of the main roads in Murfreesboro, we noticed that it was raining kind of hard and traffic was bad. It did not seem like a big deal so we kept on going. We passed over Northfield and began to approach the road to my parent's house, when I began to notice cars turning around in driveways and making u-turn's and stuff. I commented that the sky actually looked green over the subdivision that is behind my parent's. Weird.

About that time, all the cars in front of us stopped. WE did, too. In front of us, not more than three car lengths ahead, a very small tornado crossed the road. We saw it drop garbage, but it did not seem to do any damage. My husband later remarked that it did not stop at the red light. Ha!

Traffic got going again and we turned onto Irongate, which is where my parents live. We noticed that the power was out. When we got to the house, my mom said that she had heard a loud noise after the power went out but did not know what it was. She had also forgotten to replace the batteries in the weather radio. My father was out driving around with my sister. It turns out that he was just a few blocks from where that picture at the top of the page was taken. My other sister was home and saw this picture below on her tv before she hid.

Once the storm had passed, my sister tried to call my mom, but all the phones lines were jammed. It took us a while to get my dad on the cell phone. He was on the way home and fine. He turned right on Broad Street. If he had turned left, he would have been driving into the path of the tornado.

Meanwhile, we're sitting at the house and don't know what has happened. After my dad and sister got home, we decided to drive up and see if anything had power on the main road. It did not. So my husband and I drove back along a different route. We went up Haynes Drive toward my parent's house. We had heard a lot of sirens and wondered why. We saw police blocking the road. We had to turn left. Right before we turned, I pointed out the power lines that were on the ground on Haynes. The poles were snapped in half and touching the ground. The police had Sulphur Springs blocked off also. My parents live at the corner of the two roads.

It took driving back to our house, where there was power, to realize what had really happened.

To put it into perspective, this is near the corner of Haynes Drive and Sulphur Springs Road, literally 1/2 mile from my parent's house.

(all photos courtesy of dnj.com, TDOT, and a flickr photostream )

Went to the doctor...finally

2009-04-16T22:51:00.005-05:00

I tried to go to the doctor last Friday, but we were stopped by a massive tornado crossing the road and knocking out all the power nearby.

There was no time to try and go back. I've been subbing all week and trying to mentally get ready for the big teacher job fair Saturday morning. This year, I will take a resume that has been proofread and attempt to not say anything stupid to anyone important.

Also, I will try not to cough on anyone because I really do sound like I might cough up a lung. It's just an upper respiratory infection and a slight wheeze, but it sounds awful. It's amazing that my throat doesn't hurt.

In the meantime, I have this song stuck in my head thanks to Richard at work:

I wish I could shake this off!

2009-04-09T19:21:00.002-05:00

I have a really great post outlined and planned on writing it tonight, but then I returned home from school with a temperature of nearly 101. So scratch that. My nose in congested, my ear hurts, and I have some icky drainage. I'm pretty sure it's an upper respiratory infection, which means I need a visit to the doctor and a Z-pack. Until then, I'll be on the couch!

Thomas's Friends are not MY friends

2009-04-03T10:54:00.006-05:00

And I'll tell you why with the help of some fuzzy pictures of his buddy Terrance the Tractor.

See how nice he looks? He has such a happy face and looks like he would never hurt anyone. Don't be fooled!! He's thinking about how he's going to position himself in the middle of the floor so some unsuspecting adult will step on him and "hahahahahahahahaha." That's what's behind the smile!

See all the knobby spots he has sticking out of him? Those hurt if he gets stepped on. Actually, those will cut a foot even through a sock. I spent two days hobbling around and limping because of that Terrance!
(And yes he is sitting on the bathroom counter now. I can't possibly step on him there.)

That's my foot two days after the incident. I waited until it was no longer bloody to take a picture. :) Also, I should probably watch where I'm walking. It wasn't even late at night and I had my glasses on still.

Where does this sense of humor come from?

2009-04-01T11:16:00.002-05:00

Is it an inborn male thing?

Let me explain. My son has always been fascinated with any noises that his body makes. Burps are very funny to him. farts are even funnier. A fart from somewhere near him will result in a comment like, "Was that your pout? Did you pout? Hahahahahahaha" If he happens to be the one with the gas, he is even more amused. He'll ask, "Did you hear that pout? That was me!! That was my pout!! Do you smell my pout?" Sometimes, he just tells me to smell his pout. It's pretty disgusting.

My husband has explained the finer points of pout etiquette to him. If he pouts near a woman, he must say, "Excuse me!" If he passes gas around my husband or one of his friends, it's okay, he can laugh. They probably will.

The last few weeks, he had a problem with his poop. I thought we would never get rid of the diarrhea. I modified his diet. I added an acidopolus supplement. I upped his fiber. It still took ten days or so to go back to normal. This was pretty agonizing since it was the ten days before he supposed to leave for a week at Disney World. I really hoped he wouldn't be sick all the way down there or at the park.

Well, he wasn't. It cleared up about the time I gave up on diet modification. I did cut out dairy for a few days. He was very proud of his first normal poop. We made a big deal out of it. Maybe we shouldn't have. After that, every time he pooped solid, he announced it to everyone around. My mom said that they were at Disney World and he'd be in the stall and she would hear, "Ohhhhhh, it normal! Yay!" I don't know what the other ladies in the bathrooms thought.

Will you be my friend?

2009-03-27T21:17:00.002-05:00

My family varies in the ease with which they make friends. Both my sister's are somewhat shy, but I think that one makes more friends easier than the other. I have somewhat close female friends, but even closer male ones. My son has apparently never met a stranger. My mom called the other night and said that he has been talking to everyone at Disney World.

Now, I make friends easily. Actually, my co-workers tease me that every person that comes true our drive thru is my friend. That's not really true. There are a select few that I would consider friends. The rest I probably know as regular customers. There are even some who order the same thing so often that I have it memorized.

Getting back to my son, he really is a friendly little guy. He recently started talking to people in the grocery store. It's really funny because some people in Walmart won't talk to back to him. They just tell him "hi" and move on. Others stop and have entire conversations with him. This is what has been happening at Disney World I guess. Mom said that he had a ten minute conversation with one of the grounds workers outside their cabin. She complimented him on how clearly he talks.

I wonder if this ease with making friends will continue when he starts elementary school? I hope so. I hope he has lots of friends in school. Of course, having taught, I also hope he is not that kid that constantly has to be reminded to be quiet when the teacher or other students are talking!

The better back piece picture

2009-03-24T21:08:00.002-05:00

This is the one I didn't take myself!

Much better, right?

Is it too late to be a student again?

2009-03-23T20:02:00.002-05:00

Last year, I taught English. I'm good at teaching the writing side of things, at least I am when there are less than 35 students in the room. Put me in an overcrowded room and I feel like one voice in many trying to be heard above the cacophony. I hate that feeling. I love teaching writing though. I love showing a student how to express their thoughts and proving to them that the more you write, the better you get at it. I had my students do a journal entry nearly every day last year.

Having said all that, I have spent the last year working at my classroom management skills, but last year pretty much killed my confidence in that area. I have been looking into various programs that the university here has and talking with teachers when I sub. The school district here is offering a buy-out program for teachers who are near retirement age this year and I imagine they will do something similar next year if the economy continues to be like it is. So I am thinking of adding another endorsement to make myself more marketable.

Many of the librarians in this county are near 60. Even if they do not take the buy-out and go into early retirement, they will still be retiring in the next few years. The university has a program in library science that requires seven classes and a practicum. I think it will take maybe a year, so, if I can qualify for the graduate assistantship, I think I may do that. It would add another endorsement and another degree to my resume.

I do kind of look like a librarian I guess. Actually, a student the other day told me, "You do look like an English teacher!!" Maybe I should dye away the gray hair?

I was attacked!!

2009-03-12T17:21:00.007-05:00

Really! By a small, rubber lizard! I was gathering laundry when it hit me. Here's the character wielding the lizard:

He was swinging it around when he let go and it thwacked me. It kind of hurt.

That's his menacing look above. You can't tell, but he's growling at me.

See how flexible the thing is? It flew through the air really well.

Here's the lizard in it's natural environment:

It's actually Quincy's room, or, his house, as he calls it. Notice all the toys? Oh, and the neatly folded laundry on the bed? Yeah, my husband is responsible for the laundry. I hardly ever fold it.:)

Speaking of my husband, this is what he was doing while I was being attacked:

Some protection he is!

Inspiration comes in lots of forms.

2009-03-10T21:15:00.002-05:00

For me, the problem with writing is always about inspiration. Sometimes, I can sit down and tap something out in 5 minutes. It might not be good or even make much sense, but it's there. Other times, I sit here and I read other blogs and can come up with nothing worth writing about for mine. Some weeks, there is just nothing going on in my life and then there are weeks where so much is happening that I have no time to sit down.

While subbing a few weeks ago, I got to teach about one of my favorite writers--Samuel Taylor Coleridge. I especially love "Kubla Khan," particularly these lines:

And from this chasm, with ceaseless turmoil seething,
As if this earth in fast thick pants were breathing,
A mighty fountain momently was forced :
Amid whose swift half-intermitted burst
Huge fragments vaulted like rebounding hail,
Or chaffy grain beneath the thresher's flail :
And 'mid these dancing rocks at once and ever
It flung up momently the sacred river.
Five miles meandering with a mazy motion
Through wood and dale the sacred river ran,
Then reached the caverns measureless to man,
And sank in tumult to a lifeless ocean :

___________________________________________________
Those lines occur about midway through the poem and Coleridge is speaking of inspiration. He says that it springs forth with no warning and flows for a time before disappearing completely into "a lifeless ocean." I can relate. Many times, I think of something good to wrote about while doing something else, but it is gone by the time I sit down.

Coleridge also writes about the difficulty faced in trying to recapture the exact words that you have composed in your head. He writes:

Could I revive within me
Her symphony and song,
To such a deep delight 'twould win me,
That with music loud and long,
I would build that dome in air,
That sunny dome ! those caves of ice !
And all who heard should see them there,
And all should cry,

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
He is speaking here of the song the lady with the dulcimer sings in his vision. He says that he wishes he could remember the song (or the lines of poetry composed in his head) because, if he could, he could build the palace of Kubla Khan in the air and everyone would be able to see it. Not only, would they be able to visualize the palace, but also the warrior and they would be able to hear the lady's song.

A great poet can convey emotion through writing and cause you to visualize what they are speaking of. I think that Coleridge succeeds in this. There are other poems of his that I love also, but this is definitely one of my favorites. I think he captures the fleeting nature of inspiration. Well, either that, or he shows the reader what good opium he was taking. Truthfully, I think he felt that his laudanum use was detrimental to his writing because as soon as he had composed a piece, he would forget it.

You can read the entire poem here.

Maybe I should get my eyes checked??

2009-03-05T16:18:00.002-06:00

The desirable sub jobs around here have been few and far between. I'm pretty sure that I could sub every day if I worked for two counties. Actually, I could sub every single day here if I were willing to go to every school. I have a little problem wanting to drive 45 minutes one way to sub all day for only $65. It is unfortunate that many of the jobs are at the schools that are that far from my house. Thing is, we live pretty far out of town but right next to the interstate. If we lived in town, those schools would be even farther away because I would have to still drive to the interstate.

You can now understand my excitement yesterday when I saw a sub job pop up that was about 25 minutes from my house and at a great school. I immediately signed up for it, got ready, and headed out. I hurried so I would be on time and I was. When I arrived at the room, the teacher looked at me funny. She swore the job she had put in was for Monday, March 9, not Wednesday, March 4. She checked and it was. I completely looked at the date wrong when I signed up. I was 5 days early! It was kind of embarrassing. I am still going back on Monday though because it's a great school and it's close. I'm actually looking forward to it!

Snow in Tennessee!!!

2009-03-02T17:17:00.007-06:00

For once, we got snow and Nashville and the area north of Nashville did not. It always happens the other way around. Here's some pictures of the snow that ushered in March around here:

Look at that! 7 inches of snow! Here's the trees in my backyard all snow-covered:

I had to scrape all the snow off my car to drive into town Sunday morning. It took a good 30 minutes or so and, even then, I did not get it all. I left the 7 or 8 inches of snow on my roof, thinking it would just blow off. Halfway into town, it melted enough to slide down on top of the trunk and the back window. I could not see out my rearview mirror after that.

My impromptu diet

2009-02-27T14:08:00.003-06:00

I don't know that I have ever mentioned it, but I weigh between 105 and 110 pounds on any given day. At 5'2", this does not make me physically impressive or intimidating. It does often make me feel like Susan the Happy Trotting Elf, from Coupling. When I was younger, I really did kind of resemble her, except I was never blonde.

All of that is buildup to say that I try constantly to maintain my weight. Sometimes, I spend time attempting to gain weight. It hardly ever works (don't hate me!). This week, I had a canker sore right inside the corner of my mouth. If I were trying to lose weight, this would have been a good way to go about it. I mean, I eat tacos at least once a week with hot sauce on them. I did that this week also, but it hurt. Other things that hurt to eat: pizza, chocolate, ketchup, mustard, salsa, anything with salt. That covers a lot of my diet. I had to cut many usual foods out.

Where was I going with this? Oh yeah, I was forced into dieting this week. I couldn't even drink out a straw last Saturday. It hurt to put my lips like that. Kissing hurt, also. I don't think I lost any weight though so don't go around hoping to get a canker sore. You'll just been in pain for a while. Oh, and I couldn't smile right for about a week, so I am sure that customers at work either thought I was creepy or in a bad mood.

I can't find Susan the Happy Trotting Elf on YouTube so here's Steve's first date with her.

Facebook Phenomenon (Phenomena?)

2009-02-25T21:10:00.003-06:00

Just like everyone else I know, I use Facebook as a way to reconnect with people I have not seen in umpteen years. To a lesser degree, MySpace is good for this, too, but more of my old friends are on Facebook. Understandably, some of the people that I find were mere acquaintances in the first place and so, after the initial, "How are you?" email, we don't talk much anymore.

It's the others that are few and far between that perplex me. If you were close to someone many years ago, lost touch, and reconnect, should you expect that intimacy to still be there? Is that unrealistic? I don't think so. I think if it is someone who knew you very well before, then they probably still know you pretty well now. Sure, you'll both have changed due to life experiences, but people remain basically the same.

I'm wondering if there's a false sense of intimacy there though. I mean, just because I feel still close to a person, doesn't necessarily mean they feel the same about me, right? Just because I care about them, still, they may not feel the same way.

I have a lot of friends that are superficial, "Hi, How are you?" friends who do not really care what the answer to that question is. I have enough of those. I can pretty much count on one hand the number of people who have opinions that I value. When I reconnect with one of these people, am I maybe expecting too much?

Because I have no life....

2009-02-21T22:10:00.002-06:00

Here is my 25 random things post from Facebook...

1. When I was five, I wanted to be a garbageman when I grew up.

2. My hair has been red, burgundy, black, dark brown, light brown, and partially green (yes the green was intentional).

3. I love to cook and am actually pretty decent at it.

4. I never cook a meal for only me unless it is a frozen one.

5. I make amazing cheesecakes.

6. I've never really had a close female friend.

7. There are a lot of places I'd like to live besides TN. A lot. I'd better start moving around if I really want to live in them all.

8. Nothing makes me happier than a good Grateful Dead song.

9. I know every word to "Ice Ice Baby." Don't laugh. :)

10. I love the color green. It was the color of my room at my parents. Still is actually.

11. I love to watch my child sleep. He looks so precious (and quiet).

12. I am an Internet celebrity gossip junkie, but I hate TV shows about it (TMZ, Entertainment Tonight, Insider).

13. Large crowds make me extremely uncomfortable. I feel like I can't breathe when there are lots of people around.

14. I prefer quiet, softly-lit restaurants because loud ones make me nervous.

15. I don't like most coffee, but I love mocha lattes. Some mornings I need one to wake up.

16. I eat a banana for breakfast almost every morning.

17. My husband and I were married in a clearing in a grove of trees in a state park beside 2 waterfalls.

18. I wore pink to my wedding. I almost never wear pink.

19. I have 9 tattoos. Almost all of them are black.

20. I hate driving on the interstate and riding in a car on it sometimes makes me carsick. It's a motion thing.

21. I've had piercings, but I let them all grow back together.

22. I've always wanted to be a writer. I'm still working on that one.

23. I love chocolate, but only in small amounts.

24. I don't drink often, but if I do, I like mango coladas, sex on the beaches, and beer favored with fruit (Honey Raspberry Ale, Cranberry Lambique).

25. I have two degrees in English, but my favorite books are trashy romance novels--usually the ones set in 17th century England.

My Trip to the Bluegrass State

2009-02-20T21:12:00.004-06:00

On Monday, we took a trip. You can tell where we went from the title. Now, I have been all over Western Kentucky--Paducah, Henderson, Hopkinsville, Louisville, Murray, but, until Monday, I had never been to Bowling Green. I think I might have driven through there once on the way somewhere further north, but it seemed pretty unfamiliar, so maybe not. Anyway, I liked it. I came home ready to pack up and move there.

There was a reason for this trip. It wasn't just for fun or anything. Last weekend, my husband's band played two shows in Ohio. The first show was Friday night in Cincinnati. They took two cars and the band's blue van up there. My husband and the drummer were in the van, running late as always. The drummer was driving when he heard a noise that he thought was a tire blowing. My husband thought that they had run something over. The drummer noticed that they were slowing down and pulled over. They discovered that the transmission had blown up and transmission fluid was spraying onto the exhaust. They had the van towed and rented one at Enterprise and kept going. They decided to figure out what to do about the van later. Here's the van the only time it made it to Johnson City, TN.

On their way back from their second show in Ohio (almost in West Virginia), they stopped and cleaned out the van. They planned on leaving it in Bowling Green and junking it. The problem at that point was how to get my husband, the drummer, and their gear home since the other van needed to be returned in Bowling Green. My husband drove the rental van home. He had missed Valentine's Day and was supposed to be home for a late celebration.

Come Monday morning, I am suddenly the one driving back to Bowling Green behind my husband to return the van. I wasn't completely clear on why it had to be taken back in Bowling Green, but it turned out to be a good thing because they knocked some money off the rental price because of how clean it was. One thing you don't know about me is my extreme dislike for driving on the interstate. I'm a backroads kind of girl. I like the two lanes. I like the scenery. I even like the little town where I have to slow down to 30 mph. This means we took Highway 231 all the way to Bowling Green. It took two hours, but we got there. I accidentally lost my husband at the only light in Westmoreland. It was a really long light and I was in front of him. I made the light and he didn't. He caught up to us in Kentucky.

One thing I forgot to mention was how much fun my husband thought it would be to take Quincy with us. Yeah, well, it might have been if he had taken a nap on the way or something. He was cranky by the time we got there. He threw a small tantrum in Toot's, which was where he said he wanted to eat. He didn't eat much. He mostly fussed about how he wanted to go home. Next time, he can stay with my parents.

My head may explode!!!

2009-02-18T13:37:00.002-06:00

Just went into town, paid bills, and bought some lunch. While we were in the McDonald's drive-thru, I very clearly asked my child if he wanted anything. He told me no. I assumed that meant no.

Fast forward to our return home and he sat down at the table and began to take my food out of my bag. First, he declared that, "This is my food! No, wait, you share your food with me Mommy!" Then, he said, "You give your food to me Mommy!" When he was told no, he asked me to go out and get him some also. Now, we live 20 minutes from town. I refused to drive to the nearest McDonald's. I bought a fish sandwich for lunch. I offered to make him fish. At first, he was reluctant. Now, he is sitting on the couch happily eating shrimp, which I just caught him sharing with the dog.

Once this situation was resolved satisfactorily and he agreed to the shrimp, I walked up to my husband and asked, "If my head explodes, will you clean it up?"

He said, "No. I would just move."

Why are four year olds so difficult?

Valentine's Day Night

2009-02-14T23:23:00.002-06:00

My husband is 7 and a half hours away. The four and a half year old is sleeping. Oh, and the dog ate the chocolate that I had in the house while I was at work today. He was nice enough to leave the wrappers all over the floor for me to clean up. That's been my night.

I got to watch the new Burn Notice virtually uninterrupted, except for being yelled at by my child because he was thirsty. That was early in the show though. He must have fallen asleep because he didn't say anything else. When it was over, I walked into the living room where he was sleeping on the couch to put his pull-up on him, you know, just in case. He always wakes up dry, but I am still paranoid about that one time that I know could happen. Also, I'm pretty sure if it's going to happen, it'll happen while he's in my bed. But I digress, I walked in here with pull-up in hand and pulled off his pajama bottoms and underwear. I noticed that the underwear was slightly damp. After feeling around on the couch under him, I realized that he was pretty sweaty under his pajama top. He was sleeping with a blanket wrapped around his head. A lot of him was sweaty. I finally rolled him over on his back, put his pull-up on him, and left his bottoms off so he could cool off. I also moved the blanket off his head. I don't know why he likes to sleep like that. He sleeps that way a lot. Weird.

So, today, Valentine's Day, I worked nine hours. I did not see my husband, although I did talk to him several times. I got a card from my parents and one from my child that my parents bought for him to give me. Also, the dog ate my chocolate. I think I'm going to call it a night now.

All by myself

2009-02-13T21:06:00.002-06:00

I don't do the alone thing well. I've always had roommates and before that I lived with my parents so there was always someone else around. This weekend, it's just me and Quincy. My husband has gone up north to play some shows in Ohio. He'll be back sometime on Sunday. That's two long, quiet nights with just Quincy.

It's the quiet that gets me. We've lived out here in the country almost two years, but I am still not used to the lack of noise at night. The closest road where lots of cars travel is a mile and half from the house. No one drives up and down our road much. Before this, I lived in town where there was traffic noise and stuff like that. Out here, if it's just me, I have to sleep with the TV on for at least part of the night.

Oh, also, my little friends the mice that I thought were entirely gone are not. We caught five or six mice, not counting the one the dog killed. I figured seven mice was probably all there was. Nope. Wrong. There's at least one more and it keeps outsmarting all the traps that are out. It hasn't even been caught by the traps that are well hidden. If it gets caught in a trap while my husband is gone, it will stay there until Sunday afternoon. I'm not touching it.

It's only 9:15. What am I going to do all night?

This lovely week so far...

2009-02-11T21:37:00.001-06:00

I got some facts wrong in that last post, but they were thoughtfully corrected by my little sister in the comments. Ooops.

So this week...

I have suddenly become overly concerned with getting a new dog. I thought we might adopt a schnauzer that needed a forever home on Monday, but that ended up not happening.
Because I thought we might be going out to get that dog, I did not stop for lunch on the way home from my Monday morning sub job. This led to my not eating until around 4 o'clock that afternoon. Never assume things will work out around here.

On Monday, I did remember to stop at the school where I needed to put in Quincy's application so that he might someday go there. They asked for a copy of his birth certificate. This led to me realizing that we never ordered his birth certificate. We remedied that on Tuesday. It should be here next week. Again, ooops.

I turned down a substitute job on Tuesday, which I was requested for, because I was incredibly busy with prep for Quincy's Valentine party and getting him to school on time on Tuesday morning. Also, there were many errands to be done and they are much easier without him in tow. Turning down that sub job has come back to bite me on the ass. There were no jobs today and there are none for tomorrow. There will probably be one that I'll find out about around 5 o'clock tomorrow morning because that seems to be the way these things work out for me.

Oh, and I planned on sleeping late today since there were no jobs available. That plan was thwarted by the incredible wind around here this morning. I woke up early because it sounded like the roof might blow off. It didn't and I was the only one who woke up. When I gave up and got up, I woke up Quincy accidentally.

On the bright side, I don't have to work at Domino's tomorrow night. Also, Grey's Anatomy and Private Practice come on tomorrow. So do E.R., C.S.I., and Burn Notice. I love Thursdays!!!

Let's pretend this week never happened

2009-02-06T21:24:00.002-06:00

Besides the disappointing Super Bowl Sunday, there were other sucky things about last weekend. One of my best friends has this dog who is the spazziest thing and also the most terrified of so many objects/people I've ever seen. Her live-in boyfriend has a three year old. The dog is scared to death of him, which, I don't blame her. He chases her and runs at her and pokes her and stuff. So last Saturday afternoon, her boyfriend was holding his son and the son probably did something to the dog (he says not) and the dog jumped up and bit the boy in the face. She might have scratched him, too. Yes, it looked bad. His eye was swollen and such.

It would have stopped there, but the boyfriend's ex-wife lives with her parents and she took her son to the E.R. that night. The doctor there said it wasn't bad enough to report to the police or anything and the son ended up with three stitches. The ex-wife's father called the police anyway and so my friend felt compelled to get rid of her dog. It was decided that her mom would drive down from Wisconsin on Sunday and pick up the dog and go home Monday.

Then the story takes a scary turn. Her mom left Wisconsin around 8 a.m. on Sunday and never got here. They had no idea where she was and she has no cell phone. She showed up early Tuesday morning (I think) wandering in a Chicago hotel, knocking on doors. They took her to the hospital and she was very confused and didn't remember how she got there. Once she got home, her doctor did some tests and all they've said is that she might be diabetic. They still have no idea where she left her car or how long or how far she walked.

I had my own scare on Tuesday. My grandparents are 86 and 83. They drive all over the place. Tuesday around noon, they were leaving Home Depot, when a woman ran a red light. She hit the car on my grandfather's side (he was driving) and spun the car around. Their car mashed into a 2008 Nissan Armada, which hit the car behind it, which hit the car behind it. All in all, the lady wrecked four cars, not counting hers. When my grandparents car hit the Armada, it hit on my grandmother's side, pushing her door and door-frame in and into her hip and side. During the spin, her head also hit the windshield, breaking it from the inside. The airbags also deployed. They were unable to open my grandmother's door. My grandfather walked away from the crash okay, but my grandmother had a cut on her forehead that had to be stapled and they put a cuff around her neck. They took that off after they did a cat scan, but they also found 3 spots on her brain that were bleeding. They kept her overnight, but sent her home the next day after another cat scan. She has to have two more cat scan's to make sure the three spots are healing.

I'm really, really hoping that next week is better, what with Valentine's Day and all.

Superbowl Sunday at the Pizza Place=FAIL

2009-02-02T22:39:00.002-06:00

From Friday afternoon on, my time at my pizza job was spent preparing for the onslaught of hungry Superbowl fans. I folded box after box, because you can never have enough of those. Our weekly sandwich sales have been around 350 so we just knew that that many might be sold on Sunday alone. Had to fold those boxes, too. Also, the breadsticks and wings now come in boxes. Those, also, had to be folded. Many were done by me as I was the only one in the store not occupied with other things to do. The store is trying to save money on labor so there are no extra people to do stuff like fold boxes. Some food had to be prepped also and someone had to do that. Not me though.

Speaking of food, my boss ordered for a busy Sunday. We had extra everything. We had enough boxes of sandwich bread for 300 sandwiches. I mentioned sandwich sales before. They've been high. Then came Friday, when we sold maybe 60, and Saturday, when 40 were sold. This was all day sales even.

Saturday came. I was working on my prep at a frantic pace as time allowed. Basically, any time not waiting on customers or taking phone orders was spent folding. I have the rough hands to show for it also. We figured that Saturday would be busy. It wasn't. "No big deal, "everyone said, "People are saving their money for tomorrow."

No, they weren't or, maybe they were and then ordered from somewhere else. I don't know. I just know it was one of the slowest Superbowl Sundays that I have ever worked. Even the halftime rush sucked. I'm hoping for a less boring week post-Superbowl. I hate walking in circles at work when I could be somewhere else doing something worthwhile, like surfing the Internet.:)

Today..not my shining moment

2009-01-31T21:02:00.002-06:00

I woke up disoriented. I actually felt rested. I went to bed last night expecting to be woken up around 7 a.m. since Quincy went to sleep so early. When I heard him stirring, I laid there for a few minutes and wondered why I wasn't still tired. Then, my alarm went off. This was the alarm I had set for 9 a.m. My child slept twelve hours! I blame all the coughing he's doing during the day.

I made myself late for work this morning because I was looking for sources for a research project for my little sister. When I picked up my son an hour ago, she still had not looked at any of it.

When I got to work, my boss thought I had overslept because I am *never* late when I work dayshift. It must have been the hair also. I left it curly yesterday instead of straightening it so I had curls sticking out in several different directions when I arrived at work. I wish I had known that, but I hadn't looked in the mirror yet. If I had, I might have thrown on a hat or at least combed it.

Since I was running late, I was not in uniform when I got to my pizza job. Had to finish getting dressed once I got there. That's when I discovered that I had my underwear on inside out. I left it because who's going to know? (except now I told you)

I managed to knock 30 boxes that I just folder over on myself today. I got in the way of person after person. I walked into a stack of dough trays.

Oh, and the only delivery I got to go on was across the street. It is not even a mile there. Also, I took that delivery on the phone and I put the wrong building down. I had to go the apartment office to figure out where I was supposed to go. I did get a $5 tip when I finally got there.:)

If you're wondering if my day went so well because I had my underwear on inside out, well, I thought of that also, but, really, this is just vintage me. Sometimes I just have days like this.

Now, I am going to curl up in my pajamas with my blanket and my Chinese food. Maybe the child will go to sleep soon?

Why I need someone else around

2009-01-26T18:54:00.004-06:00

Besides the fact the my four year old cannot operate the camera.

I tried to take a picture of my own back piece. In the mirror. It would have worked out fine if I had eyes on the back of my head, but I don't. The picture came out a little lop-sided and not really close up enough. I'm making my husband retake it if he's ever home when I am awake.

It's actually 3 tattoos. Japanese Kanji. They mean, separately, Promise, Peace, Tranquility.
I interpret the piece as a whole to mean "The Promise of Peace and Tranquility."

It's the largest piece I have. I got it on a day in January in 2003. It was clear when I went in and snowing when I walked out.

It had been three and a half years since my son died and I was beginning to see the forest for the trees, so to speak. I had been walking in a haze for a while and I felt more clear headed than ever when I went to get this done. I actually felt like I might have peace and happiness in my life again someday. Not just fleeting moments, but lasting ones.

I was pretty scared to get it done because I have no other pieces on my back and this one is right on my spine. I thought that it might hurt and it did. I cursed a lot during it. The tattoo artist even lied to me a few times and told me that he was almost done. He wasn't. :)

It came out pretty good. I just need a clearer picture of it. Also, a not lopsided one.

ennui

2009-01-24T21:34:00.003-06:00

The other day, my son looked at me, pointed, and said, "Mommy, you are boring!"

I guess that was less insulting than the many times he has told me to stop singing, just stop singing now.

When I saw my husband, I asked him if he told our child to say that to me. He claims Quincy got it from TV. Whatever. He also told me that he thinks I am boring when I read a book or watch TV.

Pardon me, but I work 60 or more hours some weeks. Getting to read a book or watch TV is exciting to me. Add in the fact that I could not read a book, or only read maybe one book a year, for the first few years of Quincy's life and it's downright thrilling to read something besides Goodnight Moon.

I'm not really sure what I am expected to do that would be so interesting. I mean, sometimes something worth mentioning happens at school, sometimes something notable happens at work. Normally, I just complain about both, which probably is a little boring.

I think this all goes back to the need for a date night. The logistics of that escape me though. I work pretty much all week. My husband works when I am home. That's how we manage not to pay for childcare.

I'm still insulted.

I didn't used to be boring. I mean, I don't bore myself. I am probably boring you right now.

Back when I was single, people were always calling me, wanting to go out, and I went out. I would have rather stayed home a lot of those times. I always had a different significant other. I had my two schnauzers. I would have been happy sitting at home with them. I might have ended up that little old lady with the dogs if I had never asked out my husband. I guess then maybe I might have felt I was a little boring. Still, there is usually someone somewhere that shares my interests and I would probably have found that person.

But, like I said, as a well-read, educated, mother of a four year old who has had lots of life experiences to learn from, has some great body art with stories behind most of it, I don't find myself boring even if I am sitting around with a book.

*huff* Still insulted that my husband does. I had better get a really good Valentine's Day gift. One that does not require dropping hints for the next few weeks.

Maynard the Wonder Dog!!!

2009-01-22T18:32:00.002-06:00

So, you remember that mouse problem we had a few months ago? Yeah, I thought that was over.
Sure, I've heard a few squeaks here and there, but those were just the house settling, right? Or the wind?

Nope. I guess it was a mouse. Still in my house. Not anymore though!

A few minutes ago, my husband and I heard a little squeaking. I figured it was nothing, being naive and all. The dog took off though like he used to do when he was chasing a mouse. The mice were always too fast for him though. Well, not this one!

My dog caught a mouse!!!!! He killed it, too.

He also would have eaten it had my husband not quickly picked it up and disposed of it. My sister pointed out on the phone, "I wonder how many mice he's eaten when you weren't home to stop him?" I say, "Ewwwwwww!!!" to that.

Bad Daddy?

2009-01-18T22:24:00.002-06:00

I wasn't a psychology major. I have tried to read-up on what we can do as parents to make sure Quincy grows into a confident, trusting man. My mom has always been big on making sure they never tell him that he's bad even when he does something that is clearly wrong, like throws rocks at the car. He actually did that here at home, but it is a good example.

I have told my husband to be sure to tell him that he is acting bad or that whatever he is doing is not a good idea or not nice. Anything is fine with me so long as he doesn't get the impression that he is a bad little boy. He is definitely a frustrating, unreasonable, uncooperative child at times, but aren't all four year olds?

You can imagine my horror when I went to take him to my parents the other night while I worked and the first thing he told me when he got in the car was, "I'm bad." I immediately asked who told him that and he said that Daddy did. I kept repeating that Daddy would never say that and he kept telling me otherwise. We went back and forth. Quincy tearfully insisted that he was a "bad little boy" all the way to my parents. It's a 25 minute ride.

My mom promised to keep telling him how good he is while he was there and I went to work. I called my husband as soon as I got there and he denied saying that Quincy was bad. He said that Quincy had done something bad that day (he always has), but that he had not said that he was a bad little boy.

I still don't know where Quincy got this impression. It's not how I want him to feel about himself. We've done our best over the past few days to make sure he feels loved and feels like he does good things. He learned how to peddle his tricycle yesterday and was so proud that he called me at work to tell me about it.

We make sure to tell him when he makes good decisions and to point out bad choices. I guess that pretty much all we can do as parents.

Better Than Expected

2009-01-12T15:55:00.002-06:00

Friday I subbed at the school I taught at last year. It was my first time back in the building since my contract was non-renewed last May. It was kind of scary driving up to the building and parking. I honestly thought that I might throw-up. I had no idea if I would be welcomed or not.

I walked into the front office to sign in and was immediately greeted with a smile. I was only subbing a half day so I knew that if it was bad, well, at least I wouldn't be there all day. Former students came up and greeted me happily all day. My classes were well-behaved.

I talked with an assistant principal who asked what I am doing now, where I am subbing primarily, and such. Nice small talk.

I ran into an EA who works in the English dept. and she said that she didn't know that I was subbing and that I should let people know. I'm trying to figure out what to say to my mentor from last year in an email as I type this. Have been trying to think of something to say that doesn't sound breezy and stupid in an email all afternoon. I didn't keep in touch with her over the summer and now the silence is awkward. I hate bridging awkward gaps. I am pretty inept at it.

Time to quit procrastinating and write this email. She isn't at school anymore to read it anyway.

I live with Hannibal Lecter

2009-01-09T15:13:00.003-06:00

Seriously.

Last night, while yet again refusing to be agreeable, my child revealed his cannibalistic tendencies. A little background is necessary. I came home from school determined to cook my son a good meal. I gave him a snack of popcorn and then put the chicken in the oven. Before I put the macaroni on to boil, he began wailing for a cherry popsicle. While I waited for the water to boil, he continued his rant.

My husband decided that now was a good time to go run his errands. He apologized before he left.

12 minutes later and the macaroni was done. I mixed in the cheese, stirred the green beans, checked the time on the chicken. Quincy continued with his tirade. I called my sister to see if she had any ideas. Nope. None.

25 minutes in and he kept saying, "I want a cherry popsicle! I need a cherry popsicle!" I tried arguing that he didn't need one. Didn't work. I said, "I want a nice, quiet little boy. Maybe I'll go find one and bring him home? What would you do then?"

"I would eat him," answered my sweet little boy.

There you have it.

(He got the popsicle after he ate his dinner by the way. Yay for me! I said no and stuck with it.)

Ahhhh the 90's

2009-01-06T18:41:00.003-06:00

That's me. 1994. Probably around September.

That's my boyfriend's room. He rented it for next to nothing. One room in a house. Communal bathroom. It was conveniently right across from campus.

I was 21. I had no grey hair, no wrinkles. I didn't even have my bachelor's degree yet. I had had a few bad experiences in life. Like that boyfriend. I had no idea. Wish I could tell myself never to leave him alone with an ex. Oh, and always knock.

We broke up sometime the next spring. I left him alone in that room with his ex while I went to take an exam. The exam was, ironically, in Marriage and Family. It ended early so I walked back across the street. I opened his door without knocking. He was in the middle of receiving head from his ex. I slammed the door shut and left. Went back a few days later to get my stuff.

He was my third most serious relationship at that point in my life. I guess you could say that I didn't have much success with young love.

"I've got issues, yeah.."

2009-01-04T20:54:00.002-06:00

(from one of my favorite Old 97's songs--"Big Brown Eyes")

Christmas has past. Maybe I should take down the tree, huh?

I wrote before about the huge differences between my husband and I. How they annoy me. At least once a day anyway.

I have decided that it's really that having a child has not changed him all that much. Having a child killed my spontaneity. I mean, what's spontaneous about it taking an hour to get ready to go grocery shopping? Or just getting out of the house sometimes? It has improved now that he's bigger, but still it's hard to do anything without planning. And my husband never makes plans. If he does have plans, it can be guaranteed he'll be at least half an hour late.

It all comes down to a sense of responsibility. Sometimes living with him is very much like living with a frat boy or my first roommate. I find beer cans/bottles on the kitchen counter when I get up. They are stacked in the garage--to go to recycling. I just don't buy the "I drink beer because I like beer" line very well. I would if he did not drink beer every night and wake up smelling like a bum every morning. That's a huge turn-off by the way. I hate the smell of stale beer in the morning.

I will admit to not being terribly responsible with money. I do budget and pay my student loans. I work around 60 hours a week to do that. There are things I'd rather be working at. Like editing. But how do you break into that field? I never see openings. It kills me that he is content with his pizza delivery job while waiting for his band to make it. I guess the flexible schedule works for him.

I also am not the best housekeeper and my husband cleans. He mops and sweeps. He does all the dishes. He cleans the bathrooms and the toilets. He folds the laundry. He has his pluses.

In this new year, I need to work on my issues. I want some change around here.

O Christmas Tree

2008-12-30T09:25:00.003-06:00

This is a little late, but we've been busy around my household. Here is the Christmas tree as it looked Christmas morning before Quincy tore into anything under it:

It looks pretty much the same today without the pretty paper.:) We're lazy people around here. Okay, I am a lazy person. I will eventually remove all my gifts from under the tree and relocate them to somewhere in the bedroom, where they'll sit until February. My husband will tell me to put them away and I will, maybe. Happens every year.

By the way, my husband had all his stuff put away by Christmas night..

I don't know about every one else's Christmas, but this one was exciting since Quincy is 4. He finally seemed to get it. Santa Claus. Presents. The whole bit. Maybe a little too well. When he was finished opening all his gifts, he said, "Aren't there more for me? I want more!" He really should have been happy that he even got gifts. He opened almost everything under the tree December 22. There were only 8 gifts and he opened 7. Most of those were for my husband so he wasn't very surprised Christmas Day. I got to rewrap everything (like that's a privilege. It resulted in a major backache.)

It's almost New Year's Eve. I will celebrate with my annual tradition of falling asleep by 11 while watching TV with my 4 year old. :)

Does It All Equal Out?

2008-12-20T23:15:00.003-06:00

Just read a post over at Girl's Gone Child , "Pictures of the Gone World" and it reminded me of several things that have been on my mind lately. The post that is linked to in it over at Dad Gone Mad made me think even more.

I met my husband at work, in a world totally removed from who he was socially or, in some respects, as a person, at least to the extent that a uniform erases personalities. I got to know him while we dated and he was a great person for me to date. A great person for the grad school student that I was to hang out with. I always worked from 4:00 p.m. until around 10:00 p.m. so my schedule pretty much consisted of getting up around noon and going to bed around 2 a.m. That meshed well with who he was and is--a person who pretty much always stays up until at least 4 a.m. and would sleep until 2 if left alone.

From the beginning, there were obvious differences. His friends went to lots of music shows and festivals, drank, and stayed out until the sun came up on a regular basis. Mine hung out in coffeehouses, reading Proust, and discussing Postmodernism. A lot of his friends were intellectuals who just happened to enjoy live music. Where am I going with this?

4 years later, his friends are exactly the same. Some have full-time jobs. Some simply work enough to earn the money to go out. My friends are all working at some sort of full-time job. One is working in the music industry in Nashville; many are teachers in various locations around the country. None of those routinely stay out all night. Few of them have children.

When we had our son, I was the one who gave up staying out all night. I was never much of a partier anyway. I don't drink or smoke so I always sat back and observed. 4 years later, my husband still stays up until 4 a.m. even when he has to get up early the next day to be responsible and watch our child. He still goes to shows and comes home as the sun is coming up. At 29, he reminds me of myself at 19. I wonder when it all equals out or if it ever does?

The Santa Pic

2008-12-19T12:18:00.002-06:00

I've had this picture uploaded on my computer for a week, but then Monday happened and there was a dentist's appointment and work. Tuesday was the pinkeye day and another doctor's appointment. Wednesday, we tried to Christmas shop. Anyway, here's the pic:

In case you can't tell, Quincy loved Santa this year. He told him all about what he wanted for Christmas and about the train that they had nearby. And there was no crying or screaming. It was awesome!

However, I can't help but think about the fact that pinkeye has a 3 day incubation period and this picture was taken Saturday. Quincy came down with it on Tuesday. You see my line of thought? Of course, he probably got it from me.:)

Okay, now back to cross stitching, laundry, and making buckeyes!

Gotta be Spontaneous

2008-12-16T14:10:00.002-06:00

I got up this morning at 5:15 with my eyes still goopy from the pinkeye I've had for almost a week and switched on the TV. It was supposed to reach freezing sometime around midnight last night and then the rain would switch to freezing rain. Apparently, the weatherman was right.

Schools delayed two hours, said the TV. I called my mom, told her the news, reset the alarm for a one hour later wake up time, and crawled back under the covers. It was still warm. I love my flannel sheets!

8:30. The alarm goes off. I go to wake Quincy for school and he will. not. wake. up. He finally moved after ten minutes and rubbed an eye. Guess what he came down with? Pinkeye!

So, no school for him, no subbing for me. Off we went to the pediatrician's and then to the pharmacy. Drops for him.

It's okay. It's actually a good day to be inside. It's still 37 and raining outdoors.

Varied and Sundry

2008-12-12T21:43:00.002-06:00

Now that I am teaching the same class every day, what I teach tends to change often. Of course, I am still certified in English and would prefer to sub in that. It isn't always possible though. English teachers just don't seem to get sick all that often or people snatch up the jobs before me. That happens a lot. So many people don't care about where or for who they sub, just that they do. I often check to see what subject or grade level the teacher teaches.

In the past week, I have taught Spectrum, Middle School Geography, and Kindergarten. I always thought that the Spectrum kids would be like high school Honors students--more interested in what they were learning, more enthusiastic, better behaved. That's not necessarily true. They were interested, but I also had to try hard to keep them on task. The Geography was something I was kind of thinking would involve the students mostly reading. It did, except they really weren't getting it by just reading it. I didn't figure that out until the end of the day though. By the last class, I was giving a mini-lecture before they read the material. I thought that the Kindergartners might be easy. I really thought that after the teacher told me that I just had to do coloring, nap time, a DVD, and get them to their buses on time. They were the hardest of all and I was only there 2 and a half hours. It was crazy. Oh, and they kept hugging me, which was sweet until I heard about the vicious stomach virus that had been sweeping the school. I was especially not too thrilled when one little girl told me, "I feel like I might throwed up." She didn't, but still. I could never teach Kindergarten full-time.

I picked up a great case of pinkeye from somewhere this week. I assume it was Quincy's preschool, but who knows. I am not sure what the incubation period is on pinkeye. I just know that it started Wednesday night in one eye and then I woke up this morning with it in the other one, too. Today was a snow day. That was a sucky way to start it.

Quincy's Observations

2008-12-05T23:05:00.002-06:00

Driving home tonight, we passed some apartments. Now, we always pass these same apartments, but I normally just say they are buildings that a lot of people live in. Tonight, I said, "Look at those apartments!"

Quincy said, "Do those apartments have stairses?"

Well, yes.

Quincy said, "Do those apartments have a doorman?"

Umm, no.

Then he said, "Do those apartments have a dachshund?"

We watch way too much Curious George.

Ugh Ugh Ugh

2008-12-03T11:32:00.002-06:00

I spent the morning agonizing over whether or not I wanted to pursue the only two Language Arts positions open in my county. Once I decided that, yes, I should try, then I had to call the schools because the job postings clearly said, "Call school for interview." Usually, that means that someone will call you back with an interview time or even give you one right then and there. I hate calling schools. Even the secretaries make me nervous. Also, the remote possibility that I might speak to a principal practically makes me shake like a leaf.

Well, I took a deep breathe and I called. Both of them said to email or fax my resume. So much for worrying about who I would talk to on the phone. Emailing a resume means I need a cover letter of some sort because you can't just email an attachment with a blank message, you know? That would be unprofessional. So I wrote a great cover letter, highlighting my familiarity with teaching writing, and sent it. I cut and pasted the same letter, with a few tweaks, to the second principal.

Now I kind of hope they don't call. Principals make me nervous, which makes me seem unprofessional at interviews I think. I mean, it's bad when you are visibly shaken by the interview, right? I lose my train of thought. I forget all that I know. In one interview, I forgot what Student Performance Indicators are. In my last interview, I kept my mouth shut, for the most part, and I got the job. I read somewhere that you shouldn't talk too much in interviews. You might reveal something that they didn't ask you and that they see as a negative.

I really kind of hope no one calls me this afternoon.

Stuck, Stuck, Stuck

2008-11-28T11:40:00.003-06:00

That title makes me want to scream, "Don't leave me guys, Don't leave me!" Bonus points to anyone who gets that reference.

It's the day after Thanksgiving. Quincy's constant running to the bathroom to poop has stopped, but this morning I realized that he had not peed in a long time. I had to threaten IV, then explain what an IV is, to get him to go pee. Now, I am like a drill sergeant. Every few minutes, I say, "Drink, Quincy, drink." I wonder how long until he starts pooping again?

Under dubious accomplishments for today, I did manage to make a Christmas list for my husband, Quincy, and myself. At least people will know what we want now!

In reference to the title, I am stuck here at the house when I have several things to do outisde the house because Quincy was so sick yesterday. I had planned on taking him with me, but my mom thinks he doesn't need to be out. My husband went to do his stuff, then I get to go do mine. By the time he gets back, it will be time for me to go to work. *sigh*

Free Time on the Long Weekend!

2008-11-26T17:46:00.002-06:00

Well, my interim position has ended. I am somewhat relieved as progress reports were coming up and now I don't have to chase anyone down for missing work, but I will miss those kids. I will also miss having a regular place to go every day. With subbing, I never know where I'll end up each day or what age group I'll have or how they'll behave.

The day before my position ended, the washer broke. It is the motor, which can be replaced. It's a 12 year old washing machine and I don't honestly know whether we should replace the motor or just buy a new one. It will be about a hundred dollars more to buy a new one though.

I am currently sitting around the house with a flatulent toddler who sometimes has diarrhea. It's awesome! We went to the pediatrician today and she said he was perfect. Of course, at that point in the day, he had not yet pooped. I thought the stomach thing was all fixed. Boy, was I wrong! Still, he isn't as bad as when he first came down with it. So there's that.

My baby is 4!!!

2008-11-18T16:54:00.003-06:00

4 years ago at 10:53 a.m., roughly 5 hours after arriving at the hospital, my son was born. My sister Sarah was there. She gave him his first bath, which he hated. He screamed and cried. He was tongue-tied and jaundiced. Somehow, we made it through that first year. It's amazing really, because he fell off the bed once. He also tried to climb the high chair and failed. That little fall resulted in a bitten tongue and a freaked out Mommy.

2nd year, I went back to work full-time and Daddy took over child care some days. My sister Sarah was Aunt Rara by this time. There was also "Granmudder." This was the year he spent a lot of time at the doctor's. Quincy had an x-ray around 16 months. Baby's first x-ray. It's not the milestone you'd think. I came home from work and Quincy was napping. My husband casually mentioned that he had cried earlier and then hadn't walked all afternoon and had, instead, opted to take a nap. I woke him up and discovered that he couldn't walk. He just cried. He had a small bruise on the top of his foot where he had attempted to climb the baby gate. The x-ray revealed no fractures. he was walking again in a few days. Around 18 months, he had coxsackie virus. I gave it to him and had no fever. He developed sores all in his mouth and ran 104 degree temperature and above. He pretty much cried for four days. It was horrible. He also went to preschool for the first time two days a week when he was two. It was a good place for him to spread his germs! We still lived in the little house with the yellow bedroom that we brought him home to. That summer, we moved from the little house to the larger house in the country. Quincy gained more room, but he lost his paved driveway. At first, all he talked about was his old house and going back there.

His 3rd year was when I started teaching full-time and was gone a lot and then busy when I was home. He managed to not get sick too much during the last year, which made it easier for me. I hate leaving him when he's sick and he needs his mommy. He did have a nasty cough last winter where he gagged and threw-up at least once a day. That was the worst. This last year saw him getting much more independent. Still, he cries when my husband leaves him at preschool because he "wants Daddy to stay all day too!" That just started recently. Also, this year he became potty-trained. We thought it would never happen, but it did. He stays dry all day, but still sleeps in a pull-up. Sometimes he slips up, but that has gotten more and more rare.

My baby is a big boy today. He tells me that every time I call him a baby. Still, sometimes he wants me to hold him just like I did that first day.

I need sleep...and other stories

2008-11-16T21:34:00.002-06:00

This week was the most tiring one of this Interim position. It was report card week. I hate report card week because, inevitably, there will be a few children who have slacked off since progress report time and then end up with a D or an F. They think that the A they had at the middle of the six weeks will just be there at the end and then their parents call or email and dealing with both whining kids and complaining parents is exhausting. Plus all the kids were crazy this week. I hope they are more settled next week, but they know that Thanksgiving break is coming up so most likely they won't be. I had to deal with assistant principals over something a kid had done about 5 times this week and that was 5 times too many. Also, on Friday, one boy got suspended. So, for this coming week, I'm really hoping for snow one day!

Let's see. The beginning of last week was the time right after my sister's wedding, which I need some good pictures of to post. I have a few, but I need more. Last Saturday, which was the day of the wedding, was very tiring. It went well. Everyone looked nice. Quincy even put on his tux with no fuss. He went potty before the ceremony and had no accidents. He walked up the aisle like he was supposed to, but refused to carry his ringbearer pillow. He only stayed onstage for about 5 minutes, before loudly exclaiming, "I want some fruit snacks." That part is on video. He went to the back of the church to see his Daddy mid-ceremony. My husband filmed the whole thing so he was where the best view was. Quincy stayed back there a while, but then decided to come back up front. At that point, he came down the aisle walking on his knees. He was still wearing his tux and he stopped every few pews to grin at the person on the end. I watched it all from the stage, helpless. All in all, it went pretty well.

Oh, Quincy was also pinkeye-free for the ceremony. It finally went away. Now, he has a cough or maybe a cold. He picked this one up at preschool last week. He says that he got it from holding hands with a girl there! He could be lying. He has no fever or anything, just a cough. I think it could be just the heat drying him out and the fact that the high for the last few days has been in the 40's. It may be time to break out the humidifier!

Quincy's 4th birthday is Tuesday. I will be trying to get birthday stuff done tomorrow night before the big day since I'll be at school all day on Tuesday. I can't believe he's going to be 4.:)

Not as cute as Mickey Mouse

2008-11-07T22:08:00.002-06:00

This week was pretty uneventful on the school front. Lots of grading, but that was about it. I am almost done with grades for this six weeks. Yay!

The most exciting event of my week happened Wednesday morning and it was not really exciting so much as it scared the crap out of me. I walked in the kitchen around 6:30 a.m.. I had planned on going out the back door and turning on the car to warm up. It has been kind of cold here lately and I hate driving to school cold. As I rounded the corner of the living room and headed into the kitchen, I caught a glimpse of the dog's water water bowl. It looked like there was something in it. I was about 6 or so feet away so I could not be sure what it was. I walked closer, got about 4 feet away from it, and realized that it was a mouse treading water and swimming in circles. I quickly ran back to the bedroom and woke up my husband and shrieked something about a mouse in a decibel I do not normally speak in. Once he understood, he walked in, picked up the water bowl, opened the back door, and slung the contents to the left of the door. I waited about five minutes to be sure that our visitor has run away and out I went. There was no mouse outside. It really did run away!

Fast forward to this morning, when I still naively believe that this was one isolated mouse who maybe came in the back door to get out of the cold. I heard a scuffling in the laundry room while making my lunch this morning. I woke up my husband (second time before 7 a.m. this week--he was not happy) and mentioned the noise. He told me that he had heard it and was convinced that we have mice (not one mouse---mice, plural) in the walls. Yeah, still, I thought maybe they (!) were in the garage.

Tonight, my sweet little son informed me that he had seen a mouse run across the kitchen floor. Since this was the first I had heard of it, and he is known to make things up, I called the hubby. He confirmed the story, although he did not witness this mouse first hand. I am now afraid to walk in my kitchen and I think every noise that I hear must be a mouse. I will be on the couch all night with my feet up. I am not going in the kitchen for anything. Oh, and maybe we should get a cat.

Stuck in grading hell...and Quincy

2008-11-06T06:19:00.003-06:00

The end of the grading period is Friday. I have projects that were due yesterday to finish grading and, on top of that, I took it upon myself to give out a second progress report so students would know what their grade will be when reports cards go out (ie. "you are missing all this work--turn it in!") At the beginning of yesterday, I was all caught up on grading. At the end of the day, however, I had a stack of makeup work on my desk that was pretty large. I got that all done and brought home yesterday's classwork to grade and fell asleep. So it's 6:20 a.m. and I am heading to school to grade.:)

Quincy's pinkeye seemed to have cleared up by Monday and then got worse on Tuesday. He has a lot of itching now that he didn't have before and the itching irritates his eyes and then they get goopy from the irritation. His pediatrician thinks he might have gotten sensitive to the Polymyxin drops so we have to back off on those and use artificial tears some in the hopes that it will just wash on out. He has preschool color pictures today and I just looked at his eyes. They are glued together in the inner corners, but not all over. That's an improvement from yesterday!

Well, time to go to sneak out before Quincy wakes up (shhhhhh!!!) :)

I got what I deserved I guess.

2008-10-31T23:04:00.002-05:00

So I'm really clueless at this Mom thing sometimes. I know Quincy is going through a Daddy phase. He has fun with Daddy because Daddy plays with him and puts him on his shoulders and stuff. And he has been crying for him almost every night that he has not been here for the past two weeks.

Naturally, I thought that last night's ill mood and overdramatic reactions were because he missed Daddy. I mean, he said that he missed Daddy. He also cried at the drop of a hat and his cheeks looked a little flushed. That did not register with me at all. He slept an exceptionally long time last night. That also meant nothing to me apparently. The fact that he was napping when I got home around 4 o'clock this afternoon worried me and rightly so, because my child never naps...unless he's sick.

Yes, that's right. He's sick. He had a slight fever this afternoon. That's not the worst of it though. His eyes were swollen and oozing yellow goop when I got home. They were so goopy he couldn't open them. There was dried goop all over his face. Daddy thought his eyes looked a little weird before he went to sleep because he was tired. I took one look at him and said, "Pinkeye." We took him to the doctor and it's pinkeye, which he has never had before and which requires drops four times a day. Have you ever tried to put drops in a three year old's eye? It's kind of hard to do. I've been bribing him with Halloween candy! :)

What the Hell...Spawn of Satan

2008-10-30T21:28:00.003-05:00

My three year old has suddenly turned into the toddler from hell. I think it's just that he got up at 6:30 this morning and only took an hour nap this afternoon. Still, was that any reason to spit lemonade on my floor and then throw his cup when I said he had to clean it up? Let me add that he broke two blinds when he threw the cup. I don't know if this is a reaction to my being gone at school all day or what. He cried some about my not being here a few weeks ago. Now, he's used to it and he seems to not want me around.

Last night, I needed him to take a bath. He was filthy and it was 8:30. I started bath watter, which usually brings him running. He ran away instead and I had to chase him and then carry 35+ pounds of kicking, screaming, toddler in there. I had to hold with one hand while he struggled like a wildcat as I stripped off his clothes. After much wrestling, I got him in the tub and he was not crying anymore. He was pissed. He started throwing handfuls of water at me. When I was thoroughly soaked, he laughed and then cried for Daddy. How is this rational behavior?

Last night was not the first time he has cried for Daddy when I am here at night. I've heard, "Where is Daddy? Make him come home" along with "Why did Daddy go to work?" and "I want Daddy!!!!!!" It's been a little bit heart-breaking because he's always been a mama's boy and suddenly, he's not. He'll be four in three weeks and he doesn't even want me around. I was already upset because, "OMG, my baby is going to be four." The Daddy thing just makes me want to go cry into my pillow.

Not Monday, Tuesday

2008-10-28T15:46:00.002-05:00

I know that yesterday was Monday and all and it went really well. Today, on the other hand, not so much. I got up about a half hour later than I meant to, which made very little difference because I was pretty quick getting ready today. A little too quick, maybe. I put a pantyliner in my panties this morning, because, why not? I kept feeling like maybe it was a little crooked or something on the way to school, so I went to the restroom and checked when I got there. It was not so much crooked as not completely stuck, as in, part of the adhesive was facing me and not my underwear. Ouch! That's how my day began.

Also, I was in such a hurry today because a child needed to make up a test. I got to school. No child in sight. He never showed up!

There was a period this afternoon where everything came together and I got all my grades so far entered in the computer. That was awesome.

Now, I am home for five minutes and then I get to go sling pizzas and talk to jerks on the phone.

That's my cheery take on Tuesday. Hope yours is better!

Differences Galore

2008-10-25T21:56:00.002-05:00

I am still very, very busy--between the teaching and the working at night and on weekends and the being a mom and a wife and the sleeping. So far, the only things that I am missing out on is being able to keep up with my TV shows and my blogs. I have no time to read blogs, but that's only until Thanksgiving. The TV thing, I do have time for, but only once Quincy is asleep and, by then, I am usually asleep, too. Oh, plus the DVR messed up and didn't tape "House" on Tuesday, so I am behind now anyway. It posts online this Wednesday so I didn't miss anything really, I guess.

Speaking of Quincy, he's amazing. His language skills. His potty skills. Everything is incredible. And he will be four in a little less than a month. I can't believe he's so big. I do wish he would go to sleep earlier. It's 10:02 and he is still awake, watching Thomas.

There is a huge difference between the kids I taught last year and the ones I have now. I used to come home feeling pretty much hopeless, like I had no classroom management skills at all, like I was learning nothing about how to handle those kids. I think it was just that I really should be teaching middle school. I still have challenging days, but I never feel hopeless or defeated. If I tell my kids to sit down and be quiet, they sit down and be quiet. You don't know how satisfying that is after last year.

One thing that has not changed is the absolute exhaustion that I feel at the end of some days. There's this lull between the time I get home and time to cook dinner when I almost fall asleep and then I feel out of it for the rest of the night. All those 13 year olds are tiring!

Shiny happy people

2008-10-20T21:20:00.005-05:00

(This post is brought to you by the Excedrin I had to take for the headache I had when I got home from school today. No more headache. Not sleepy)

Quincy has a cough. It has been panic-inducing to be at school all day while my baby coughs at home. Never mind that it sounds like a post-nasal drip cough. Never mind that he has no fever and feels fine. I am still worrying all day. He does not seem distressed in the least. He has played all night. He hid all of his Thomas the Tank Engine engines (wow, that was redundant) under boxes in the living room. He gave the bathroom a bath while he took one. I had to dry off the floor and the toilet before he got out tonight.

He certainly makes a lot of mess for a small person with a lingering cough. Oh, and he is not coughing at all at night. But, last night, I thought the refrigerator was being especially loud and I got up to check. It was not the refrigerator. It was Quincy sleeping on his tummy and breathing. Wow.

He does not look sick. Here's his best grin.

See, he looks really happy. This is partially because he's a ham and partially because he has control of the big TV right now and is watching his favorite show of the night.

It's Thomas! After two hours, I am sick of Thomas. It's Monday and he's too shiny happy.

Life limped along at subsonic speeds

2008-10-18T21:18:00.002-05:00

So I intended on answering this meme from Sammanthia at The Edge of Insanity on Wednesday night, but then I fell asleep by 9. It's amazing how tiring 60 or so 13 year olds and their drama can be.

Here goes. This is the "four things" meme.

Four places I go over and over:
1) Domino's--I work there quite a bit, but sometimes I am even there when not working. Not as much as I was before I had Quincy though. I'm not as pathetic as I used to be. Yay.
2) Walmart--I'm cheap and it's where I grocery shop. I could go to Publix, which is more expensive and has better produce, but, like I said, I'm cheap.
3) Barnes & Nobles--I love books. I love to browse books. I love to find books that I want for Christmas. :)
4) Jersey Mike's--It's a sub shop here. I am addicted to thier Chipotle Cheese Steak. Steak cooked in Tabasco with chipotle with peppers and onions and topped with chipotle mayo. Yum.

Four places I'd rather be right now:
1) Some place where I have all my papers graded and all school stuff organized. Not sure where that would be.
2) Bed--It's cold in here. It's supposed to be in the 30's tonight. I will be wrapped in blankets before long.
3) On a date with my husband because I never see him.
4) Living somewhere besides Tennessee. This weather kills me. It's 70 during the day, in the 30's at night, and 40-something when I leave for school. The next day, it might be 80 or 60. At night, it might be 60 or 40. Can't it be Fall already???

Four TV shows I watch:
1) Grey's Anatomy---I love this show, but sometimes I skip the end where Meredith is narrating or I watch it with the captions on and turn it way down.
2) Greek--This is such a great show. It's on AMC Family, which my husband finds hilarious. He continually asks me why the family channel has a show about frats. I don't know, but I like it.
3) ER---I have watched this since it began and, now that it's the last season, I watch it every week. I cannot tell you how many times I've seen the episode where Mark Green dies and cried.
4) Cold Case--I love to watch the reruns of this show because I always forget to watch the new ones.

Four things I eat for breakfast:
1) A banana---This is what I eat on school mornings, usually with a Dr. Pepper, sometimes with coffee.
2) Hardee's sausage and biscuit--This is what I eat on weekends.
3) Chocolate--only sometimes though.
4) Oreos--Only on mornings where I am home and I sleep until 10 a.m. so it's already lunch-time anyway.

Four animals I like best:
1) Mini schnauzer's---I now this is a dog breed. I love them. I love their little beards and eyebrows and the way they dance when they're happy. It makes me happy.
2) Goats--There are some goats in a pen as you enter my subdivision. I think they're cute, too. I know that they eat everything so I'm not sure I want one.
3) Guinea pigs--My sister has one named Moe. He's very sweet and cute.
4) Deer--When they are standing very still in a misty field, like the one I saw Friday morning, they are very beautiful.

Four beaches I've been to:
1) Myrtle Beach
2) Kiawah Island
3) The man-made beach at Callaway Gardens in Georgia
4) Clearwater Beach in Florida

Four people I am tagging:

1) Just B at Mile 17
2) Marilyn at Slackermama
3) Bejewell at The Bean
4) Wendy at Notes from the Sleep Deprived

Busy Busy Busy

2008-10-15T06:47:00.002-05:00

Sorry I'm MIA and this time it is not because I am off reading all of the Twilight saga.:) I'll be teaching adverbs and irony today. I taught irony yesterday, too. Isn't that ironic? (Sorry..had to make a bad irony joke)

I have Hall Duty today. I'm not sure what that means exactly. I'm thinking that I have to stand in my appointed place in the hall, but when and for how long? I don't know.

I came home yesterday to Quincy sitting on the couch watching TV and acting kind of pitiful. He was burning up! Apparently I am the only one who checks for things like fevers. He had over 103, but every time he has needed ibuprofen since then it's only been a little over 101 so whatever it is may not last long. That would be good. He was up from 4 a.m. until 6:30 this morning. The ibuprofen kicked in and he felt good. He's sleeping with Daddy now.

I have a meme to answer from Sammanthia over at The Edge of Insanity. I plan on doing that this afternoon. Oh, and Amalah is having her baby today!

Off to school!

Soooooo Tired

2008-10-13T16:17:00.001-05:00

I have a pretty easy schedule at my new teaching job, but I am still exhausted at the moment. I just want to sit on the couch and eat chips. I have no papers to grade tonight so yay for that. I'm sure that will change in the next day or two. It's been pretty sweet so far.:) I had forgotten how tiring dealing with kids all day is. That's all.

It won't help that I am working my second job also because the county pays kind of weird. I teach all this month, but I get paid mid-November and mid-December. The December check will be pretty huge and will be right before Christmas. Maybe then we can buy our pantsless child some new pants?? Oh, and my sister is getting married next month and, OMG, I am in the wedding. Final dress fitting is Friday I think.

I'm so tired I can't even think. I had this great post worked out in my head this morning, but it was almost 7 a.m. and I was not dressed yet!

More tomorrow.

Frustration and Idiocy

2008-10-08T22:53:00.002-05:00

I used to love my second job. It's the job I go to where I rarely have to think. I can do it in my sleep, literally. I mean, it's pizza, it's food service, it's not hard. I just smile and nod, smile and nod. I can pretty much pick my hours and my days off. If I say I'd rather not work with someone, then I don't all that often. It's pretty sweet. Except for the customers, sometimes they suck.

Lately, though, it's gotten frustrating. I don't know if it's that there are people there that really, truly, rub me the wrong way or what. (and I'm not talking about Richard--he doesn't bother me all that much lately. As a side note, I've discovered that he's only an ass when there's an audience. One on one, he's intelligent and sometimes interesting. Odd though and I'm probably somehow deluded.) Anyway, I honestly cannot believe that steam has not literally come out of my ears or that the top of my head hasn't blown off. My blood pressure must be through the roof when I am there. The sheer idiocy of my co-workers astounds me sometimes.

I am so glad that I am teaching again, even if it is only for a few weeks. It's a great school with wonderful kids. Plus I love my co-workers there.

On a completely unrelated note, I wish my last two Stephenie Meyer books would come while I have time to read them.:)

Fall Break

2008-10-06T21:58:00.003-05:00

It's my last week to sleep late for a while. Also, my last week to get anything done I guess. After this week, I'll be at school from 7:00 a.m. ish until 3:30 Monday- Friday and then at my other job from 5:00 to 9:00 four or five nights a week. The teacher that I am interiming for is coming back sometime around Thanksgiving I think. There's a permanent teaching position opening in January at one of the other schools and I am planning on sending a resume over about that one soon. I don't know when I would interview though!

This is going to be fun, except for the lack of sleep and the getting up early five days a week. That will suck. And I'll have to make a grocery list on the weekends, but probably will not have time to go myself so my husband will have to go. It will have to be a very specific grocery list or who knows what he'll come back with. That may also suck.

It does not feel very much like Fall here. Well, maybe at night, but it was 88 today. The disparity between the morning temperatures and the afternoon ones are messing with my head. There's at least a 30 degree difference between the two. It would be nice if it at least looked like Fall. None of the leaves are changing here yet! Also, my allergies are being kicked up by something. I don't know what. Leaves? Leaf mold? Grass? Dog hair? All of the above? I just know that my eyes are red and itchy. Yuck!

I keep thinking that somewhere it's probably snowing already. That would be kind of fun. All the pollen would be killed. No more sneezing or rubbing my eyes! I could deal with a little more cold.:)

Is it Fallish where you are??

Oh the vampires!

2008-10-05T08:28:00.002-05:00

I spent the last two days with my nose buried in the first two novels of the Twilight Saga. Now, I need the last two. It's Fall Break this week and I have grading to do. I need to find a good worksheet on irony and print it out. But, really, all I care about is what has happened to Edward and Bella.:)

Just a quick note to say that I am still alive. In my time not spent reading, I have worked. I am about to go work the last 9 hours of my 33 for this weekend. Next, I will sleep.:)

Hope everyone is having a good day!

I think we're alone now!

2008-10-02T18:47:00.003-05:00

Okay, really, I know we're alone now. I just wanted to work a song title into a post title.:) My husband is on his way to Johnson City, TN. He has no more minutes left on his phone so he has cruelly turned it off. I'm not freaking out though. The thought of being alone with my three year old until late Sunday night doesn't scare me at all. I am such a liar.

It is not the being alone with the three year old as his sole caregiver for days (except when my mother has him) that scares me. It is the being here late at night at our house in the country where there are no street lights and my parents are about a half an hour away. And did I mention that my husband won't answer his phone?? Oh, and that I'm a big baby who doesn't like the quiet late at night??

So, you, Internet, are the only one (?) I have to tell about my day. I had my orientation for my interim position today. It was at an employment agency and was really a waste of my afternoon, except for the part where I filled out my W-4. One good thing though--I did not have to be re-fingerprinted since I had my fingerprinting done less than a year ago. So I saved the $48 that I would have had to pay for that. Yay!

I also got to go by my school and meet the other teachers in my mini-school. They were really fun and nice and the kids were all pretty well-behaved for the end of the day. All in all, I think this position will be pretty awesome. Also, I was not sure when the position would end. I thought it would last through mid-November or so, but the teacher is not coming back until mid-December so it's a month longer than I thought. That means more money. Yay, again!

Going to watch the debate. Alone. With no one to discuss it with unless I get back online. *sigh* Yeah, I kinda miss my husband.:(

Anybody want a cat?? Free!!!!!

2008-09-30T10:17:00.002-05:00

See, she's even cute. You might recall from previous posts a while back though that she is evil. Her looks are deceptive. Her most recent meanness resulted in my mother having to get a tetanus shot and antibiotics.

Sunday morning, early, Quincy and I went to my parents so that he could go to church with them. It was a big deal. His first trip to church in big boy underwear. My mother was running around, getting everything together and ready to go. The cat, Abby, got disturbed by all the movement and came from out of nowhere and bit/scratched the back of my mother's ankle. It looked minor so she went on to church. Quincy did okay. He made it into the bathroom, but not to the potty. He told me later that he made a puddle of pee on the bathroom floor.

Monday morning, my mother's ankle was swollen and red. She went to the doctor, hence the tetanus shot and antibiotics. The cat bite/scratch had gotten infected. Last night, the back of her ankle was swollen about twice the normal size and red. She stayed home from teaching preschool yesterday and today. She says that she's okay, but every time I talk to her, she sounds very groggy. Last night, she was having trouble getting around because it hurt to walk.

This is at least the second time the cat has done this. My parents are going to check and see is the Humane Society takes house cats. They didn't used to. If not, anyone want an antisocial cat??

Moo, Moo, Meow, Meow, Quack, Quack, Neigh

2008-09-26T23:43:00.004-05:00

Those are sounds I hear all the time around my house, although not as much as I used to since I "lost" the animals that go in the Old McDonald singing tractor. My son loves to make animal sounds. He especially enjoys a good, loud "neigh" just when you are getting comfortable on the couch, usually in a ear. He uses "Meow,Meow" as a greeting, not just at home, but at preschool, too. If he see a cow while riding in the car, then he throws out a "moo" and, when the ducks still lived at our subdivision entrance, "quacks" were frequent as we turned in.

I also hear a lot about monkeys around here. My son recently learned the words to the Monkeys jumping on a bed song. He likes to sing it while jumping on my bed. How's that for toddler irony? Gee, maybe it's a good idea to sing a song about monkeys jumping on a bed and falling off while I jump on a bed. That doesn't seem like a bad idea at all! Also, you know how monkeys throw things? My son throws all types of food at the dog, even some that the dog won't eat, like grapes, pretzels, and peanuts. I can see where he would get confused since the dog will eat most anything. I do get sick of cleaning under the couch and finding so much food there. And the sheer volume of food contained within the couch is kind of scary. There are entire meals of toddler finger food down there! Goldfish crackers, popcorn, cheetos, grapes, cheerios, kix, all types of nuts. Those are just a few things that I have found. My couch is a snacker's dream! Sometimes you can even find an m&m or two.

The noise level around here also sometimes makes me feel like I live at the zoo. Just this afternoon, when the principal of the school that my new job is at called to offer it to me, I could barely hear him because of the toddler screaming at me. I had to go into another room and I still had trouble hearing him. It's worse in the afternoons than any other time of day. I think that's when my toddler's energy is highest or when he is most fighting the need to crash. I know that he is loudest from 3-7 p.m. Sometimes it's like being around a pack of hyenas, especially when he cracks himself up!

If you like zoo animals, go check out Generation Next's new program for teaching your child to read called iKnow Animals, Letters, and Sounds. For more posts about zoo-like life with children, go to the PBN blog and check out the list of this weekend's blog blast posts.

I hope I don't jinx this...

2008-09-26T23:35:00.001-05:00

but I got a job. An honest to goodness teaching job. I start sometime next week, probably Tuesday. It depends on how fast the paperwork gets done. I'll be teaching 8th grade Language Arts. It's almost the exact grade I would like to teach. I would like to go a little younger than 8th grade, maybe 6th or 7th.

The only crap thing about it is this--It's for 6 or 7 weeks. I do get full-time teacher pay for that time period, but the payroll in this county runs kind of weird. If I start in September, I'll get a paycheck October 20. If I start in October, I'll get the first one November 20. November 20 is about when the position will end. I will get two paychecks though since I'll get paid for November in December so I'll have that money for Christmas. Yay!!

My "friend" has come to visit!!

2008-09-25T10:33:00.002-05:00

The pregnancy tests were all right. I'm not pregnant, just late. Weird since I was two days early the last two months, but whatever. This just supports my claims to my husband that even if we halfway try to get pregnant by keeping track of ovulation and all that, still nothing happens. I think it will be a while before we have another child just because of that, if we ever do. We definitely got lucky with Quincy.

Quincy did tell me last night that if he had a baby brother or sister then he would turn on his night light so it would not get scared, cover it with a blanket, hug it and love it, and share his toys "to" it (as he says). I thought that everything he said was very sweet.

I do hope this is the end of drama in my life for the month. Now back to the business of finding a day job. There only seem to be jobs in Nashville, which requires driving about half an hour. I know that is not far, but I would like to find something around here if possible. Going to look now.

One Day Late

2008-09-24T10:35:00.003-05:00

Still no period. Still do not feel pregnant. Aren't I supposed to feel pregnant?

Kinda freaked out last night and cried a lot because I have always wanted two kids, but, now, that we have Quincy, I just am not sure that it is fair to him to have another. He's always been our only baby. I feel like it takes both of us to be amazing parents to him. It takes our full attention to just keep him happy and alive. I'm not sure we could do that with two.

A little scared right now.

Update:
Sorry about that emotional outburst up there. I took a two hour nap and feel much better (except why is this still bold?? I turned bold off. This is bold, right?).
Anyway, another pregnancy test was negative so maybe I am just late. I was 4 days late last October (that really was the last time) and then I had a 10 day period that I am convinced was an early miscarriage because I don't have 10 day periods, ever.

Okay, well, I can do nothing about the bold, so I am going to watch "Curious George" and hang out with Quincy.:)

I don't know what to think

2008-09-23T22:34:00.003-05:00

So, I did not get my period today. It's been kind of off for the last few months, a few days early here and there and maybe a day late once. Still, I took a pregnancy test because I want to know. Never mind that I was supposed to start today and am not late until tomorrow. This is what the test said:

That's a really dark negative line there and not even a hint of a positive one. It was a little early when I tested with Quincy and the positive line was pretty noticeable anyway.

Still no cramping. I had some cramping Sunday afternoon. I even took some ibuprofen because it hurt so much. I had a little blood then so I naturally thought I would have a lot more by now. I don't feel pregnant. I felt pregnant right away with Quincy. I was bloated, nauseous, exhausted, and my boobs hurt. Well, my boobs hurt and that's pretty much it. Oh, and I'm in the bathroom to pee a ridiculous amount of times, but I do that before my period also.

I guess I should test again tomorrow??
(if you are my sister reading this, I am sure it's nothing..still keep your mouth shut)

Quincy's freedom of expression

2008-09-22T10:40:00.003-05:00

Normally when I have to leave before Quincy is dressed, I lay out an outfit. Sometimes I forget though and then the mix'n'match ensues. Not only is my husband color blind, but he also thinks that some colors match that do not. This almost always annoys my mother, who likes it if Quincy is dressed cute. I do, too, although the cuter the clothes, the more quickly he gets them dirty.:)

I remember one day last Spring. I did not leave any clothes out so my husband picked out his own outfit for Quincy. Quincy had these cute little yellow, blue, and red plaid shorts and I always paired a little yellow golf shirt with them. He'd look so cute. My husband picked out those shorts, then decided that since they had red and blue in them, a red and blue shirt would match. Quincy arrived at my mom's in his plaid shirts and red and blue Elmo shirt. I could actually see the logic behind this outfit, but still, my mother did not. I think he looked kind of alternative. He was dressed like a lot of the teenagers I taught last year. Then there was the green shirt with orange shorts incident. I think he picked that outfit out himself.

Quincy has an artistic and musical side that I lack. I can barely draw a stick figure and I am tone deaf. He plays keyboards, drums, and guitar. Since he is a toddler with a lot of energy, sometimes he needs help positively getting that energy out. To do this, we take him over the practice space my husband's band uses and let him drum to his heart's content. He likes to use the drumsticks and hit the cymbals. He has way better rhythm than I do.He also likes to draw and paint. Both are good alternatives to messing up the house, so we encourage his expressing himself in these ways.

As he gets older, I don't know whether he will be very rebellious are not, but we certainly hope to curb some of that by encouraging him to express himself through his clothes and hair. If he wants to be the kid with the purple mohawk, then that will be fine by me. He can even dress in all black if he wants. I did that for years. Tattoos? Sure, if he is really certain he wants one and not just getting it to be cool. I have ten so it is okay by me. We hope that as he grows, he will continue to be artistic and musical and not outgrow the whimsical ways in which he expresses himself now.

If your child likes to mix'n'match outfits, maybe the Polly Pocket Pop 'n Swap at Toysrus.com would be for them. Check out other posts on this subject at Parents Bloggers Network !

I'm not a simple girl

2008-09-18T22:20:00.016-05:00

I like to think that I am. My husband is far more simple than me as far as not needing a lot to survive. He doesn't even need a bed or a house. He'd be happy sleeping in a tent in the woods with a sleeping bag or none. I want my soft bed with my pillows and blankets. That's just essential to me. He's been trying to convince me for a while to go live in an RV. He's way more relaxed than I am. He's happy waking up whenever. I need my alarm clock. I need my schedule, whether it's one I have typed online or written down.

My husband will also eat almost anything, while he says I have the taste of a Midwestern. I like BLT's, mashed potatoes, meatloaf, and the only vegetables I eat regularly are the potato and corn. I have branched out over the years to eating Chinese food, though I still only eat two dishes. Even Quincy is a more adventurous eater than I am. I mean, I make Old El Paso tacos once a week, almost every week. I'm a little boring maybe.:)

My dad is a bicyclist. He rides miles and miles for fun. I mean hundreds of miles. He has ridden across the U.S from Washington State to Maryland. He has ridden from Mexico to Canada. He has ridden across Tennessee,Georgia, and Arkansas that I know of. He doesn't need gas or a car. I have not ridden a bicycle more than a mile in at least 8 years. I need my car, which has air conditioning, and I need gas. I drive 45 miles some weekdays just taking Quincy to preschool, going home, and going back to pick him up. Now, I could do that with a bicycle and a Burley, but it would take much longer. My car is necessary.

Television is important to me, too. I cannot go to sleep without the TV on. It's just too quiet, especially if my husband is out of town. It's creepy. Plus Quincy has shows that he sometimes has to see. They are DVR'ed. The DVR is another essential. Without it, I could not show Quincy "Thomas the Tank Engine" anytime he wanted to watch it. He would be stuck getting up on Saturday morning to see it since that is the only time it actually airs here. On, and I would *have* to stay up late some nights to watch my own TV addictions--"Greek," "Cold Case," and "C.S.I. Miami."

This post is for a blog blast sponsored by Yoplait and Parent Bloggers Network.

I feel funky

2008-09-18T22:20:00.003-05:00

WARNING--This post may contain TMI. Sorry.:)

My body is messing with my head again. I have had the same PMS symptoms for the last year or so. As soon as I ovulate, my boobs begin to hurt and it is even painful to wear a bra until I get my period. I also get bloating, back pain (sometimes sciatic), fatigue, frequent peeing, and appetite increase. This lead to my thinking I was pregnant a few months in a row until I caught on.

Now, though, I know what to expect so I have none of those symptoms this month. Not a one. Nothing hurts that is not a result of working a lot at a place with concrete floors and no chairs. I am not overly tired in any way that can't be accounted for. No headaches even. What is up??

My period is due next Tuesday. It has been a couple days early the last two months so I guess it could be Sunday. I normally start cramping a few days before starting also. I have had none of that either. I've had fairly mild periods the past few months with not too much cramping and only lasting 4 days or so. I am worried that this months is going to be horrible, like bed-ridden horrible. I am not looking forward to it, not that I ever do. I just hate for things to change on me when I have finally gotten used to my symptoms. I don't like them, but at least they indicate clearly that my period is coming.

Afternoon freak-out

2008-09-16T22:35:00.005-05:00

I had my interview today. I guess it was good. I can never tell with these things. Principals are notoriously hard to read. I pretty much panicked on the way there. I should have left earlier. I hate to run late because ti leads to me thinking up all kinds of silly things. As far as the interview goes, all I can think is that I finally did not say anything stupid during it. That's a first.

Here's my whole afternoon:

12:27--Start worrying about whether I can get there from here by 1:00
12:28--Turn right off the highway
12:30--"This road never seemed this long. Was I supposed to turn somewhere else already? Did I miss a turn?"
12:32--I did not miss a turn. Turn onto proper road.
12:32 and a half--Turn onto next road. I've been on it a million times. Knew where it went.
12:36--Get to South Church Street. Turn right. Begin to look for school.
12:37--"Is the school not one block after this turn? Guess not. No school yet."
12:39--On road out of town. Road begins to look deserted. "Did I pass the school and not notice? Am I almost to the next county?" (now this line of thinking was really illogical because (a) there are two schools--a middle and an elementary and I could not possibly have passed both-- there would have been school zones at least and (b) the next county is at least half an hour from where I turned onto South Church)
12:41--I see a school zone signal hanging over the road!!!!
12:42--There's the school. It's on the right. It was just over a hill.
12:43--Phew!! I'm here.
12:45--I talk to the secretary and start waiting on principal.
12:55--Principal calls me back.
12:55--1:13--Interview. I am asked 3 questions. "Where did I go to high school?", "Can I start by the end of the month?", and "What's the best way to contact me?"
1:15--In car again. Think I can get home before the hubby leaves to pick up Quincy from preschool. I get to go pick up Quincy!! Yay!!
1:15--1:27--Drive towards home. No freaking out this time, but more speeding.:)
1:27--I turn onto the highway that goes to my house. Hurrying.
1:30--Pass hubby on highway. He is going the opposite direction (towards preschool). Wave frantically. I think he sees me and keep heading home, figuring he'll u-turn and meet me.
1:35--Arrive home. Call hubby to make sure he's on the way. He did not see me. He is further away. He turns around while I change out of my suit.
1:45--In the car again on the way to pick up the toddler.:)

I really had myself in a panic on the way there. I really thought I had passed the school at one point. I forgot that the area it is in is really very rural. Oooops.:)

Trying to psych myself up

2008-09-15T22:07:00.002-05:00

So....another interview tomorrow. For an Interim position. 8th grade Language Arts. I keep thinking about it and taking deep breaths. Trying to think happy, positive thoughts, while Quincy shouts demands at me every five minutes.

Thinking about what to say and what not to say in an interview. I tend to be verbose and give every answer possible to each question, thereby revealing more about myself than is probably necessary. (does this surprise anyone?) I know that I need to be more concise and clear, less wandering and meandering in the conversation. That is easier said than done.

I interviewed with this principal before and thought it was a great interview, a very positive one. I'm tired of being wrong about that. I take that back. I'm sick of being wrong about that. Yeah, sick and tired about sums it up.

Sorry to be such a downer. Maybe if I get it all out I can be all sunshine and smiles tomorrow. Here's hoping.:)

Shock and awe

2008-09-12T22:43:00.002-05:00

Listening to hurricane coverage, where they are saying pieces of the roadway are floating by and people could be hit by flying debris. They said a minute ago that it's 350 miles wide, but you don't need me to report what MSNBC is reporting.

I am just amazed at the size of this thing. One of my friends used to live in Brownsville and his old house washed away in the last storm. He moved here a while ago and I'm glad, but he has family there still.

It has already effected (affected? two of the only words I get mixed up as an English teacher. I know. Sad.) gas prices around here. When I went to work at 5 p.m., the gas station across the street from Domino's had about 20 cars lined up. They were out of unleaded by then. They quickly were down to only Super and there were still cars lined up. There was even a hit and run there because there were so many cars. When I went to work, regular unleaded was $3.59 a gallon. On the way home, a mere 5 hours later, gas was anywhere from $3.79 a gallon for regular to $4.49 a gallon. Both Kroger stations by my parents were out of gas at 9:15. I passed several stations on my 12 mile trip home that has cut off their lights and closed because they had no more gas. Keep in mind that I am in Middle Tennessee.

They just said something about 40% of the people stayed on Galveston Island? I thought that I heard this morning that they evacuated that area? I will be thinking happy thoughts and praying tonight for those people who remained. Hurricane junkie that I am, I'll probably be up really late.:)

Awash in a Sea of Pee

2008-09-11T22:04:00.002-05:00

I don't know what to do about this problem we're having. Quincy was a late potty trainer, like 2 months ago late. He'll be 4 in November. He still wears pull-ups at night and I'm fine with that. I understand if he has occasional accidents. He doesn't have it all down yet, but he does know when he needs to go. He just gets up and goes at school. He has come home both times he's been there in the same clothes that he arrived in. My husband says this is because we told him that no one would like him if he smelled like pee and poop all the time. I don't think so.

So what's up with the peeing in my floor and in my mother's floor? I have two wet pairs of training pants from my mom's tonight and he was only there about 4 and a half hours. He peed twice in the same spot, after she told him to go to the potty and try. And that doesn't hold a candle to last night.

Last night was my night off. My one night to spend with Quincy. My one supposedly pleasant night. I'm sick. It kind of sucked. That's not the only reason though. He peed three times in my floor. Three! I even left his training pants off so he would just have to run to the potty and sit down or stand up and go. He even peed yesterday while we were out shopping at Sam's in the bathroom there, so he had a good day until about 5 p.m. That was when all the accidents started. Two of them were genuine accidents. He was playing, he started for the potty, got distracted, and didn't get there in time. Once though, I looked up because I heard the telltale splash on my wood floor and there he was with his shirt pulled up so he would not pee on it, moving himself back and forth so as to cover the largest area (I guess). That one did not look like an accident to me.

I'm not sure what to do about this except to backtrack and take him to the potty and make him sit down and try at set times. I have to be more vigilant about making him clean up his accidents also. I feel like he's old enough for that. Any suggestions?