Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Plain and Simple Neglect

The last few weeks flew by. First, there was Fall Break, when I planned on getting lots of stuff done, but did nothing. Then, there was last week, which was a repeat of Fall Break. So far, I've managed to get the grocery shopping done this week, but that's about all. In my defense, I came down with some mystery illness last Friday morning and still don't feel totally like myself.

Anyway, that's why I haven't written anything. Well, that, and I spend too much time on Facebook.

I am going through some kind of what-if phase. Like what if I'd done this instead of that when I was 25 and so on. It is pointless, because I always arrive at the conclusion that, yes, life would be different, but I wouldn't have Quincy. I might have other children, but none would be him.

Then, there's the what if something happened and it was just me and Quincy tomorrow. Would I be able to support us with my current jobs? (No. We would have to move.) Where? Who would keep him while I worked? I get all tense thinking that way. I should stop.

Maybe this is some sort of midlife crisis kind of thing or maybe it's just my own neurosis coming through. I don't know.

I do know that a topic of argument around here has been how much my husband has to work to pay bills and how much he hates that. If I made more money, I wouldn't have to listen to it every month. That's probably a huge source of these scenarios that my mind creates.

I spent far too much time daydreaming about change and far too little making any.