Sunday, August 31, 2008


I am so absorbed in all of the Hurricane Gustav coverage. It's all I've been watching when not working. We have a friend who was living in New Orleans, but he came back several days ago in anticipation of this storm. I don't think he plans to move back even when it has passed.

My grandmother and uncle live on the Gulf Coast of Florida so I always watch these things closely. They are near Tampa. From what I've seen, that area is south of the area under a Tornado Watch until tomorrow morning. I'm guessing they will just get lots of rain.

Tropical Storm Hanna is just behind this thing and may hit the East Coast. At least, that is what CNN said. My family vacations on an island outside Charleston, South Carolina each year so I will probably watch coverage of that storm also.

I am kind of a weather junkie. I always watch these things. I worry about my family and friends that are in the path of such storms. I'm not the only one, right?

Friday, August 29, 2008

It's That Day Again

My anniversary. It rains every year on my anniversary. It rained on my wedding day, but not for long and not during the ceremony. We had an outdoor wedding at a state park about an hour from here. One of our best friends got ordained so that he could marry us. People came from Florida and Pennsylvania and Oak Ridge, TN and it was just awesome. Couldn't have asked for a better day, except for the heat and humidity. Didn't hurt the food any though. The main wedding cake was a red velvet cake with cream cheese icing. It held up well, although there was little left. I sweated, but you can't tell in the pictures and that's what counts.

My father speed-walked me down the aisle to the strains of "Jessica" by the Allman Brothers being played on acoustic guitar. We wrote our own vows and the wedding itself was pretty short. Having everyone with us was wonderful. We got married in a clearing in a grove across from two waterfalls. You could hear the rush of the water the entire time.

I made it through the whole ceremony without crying and almost lost it walking back down the aisle with my husband. It was that sweet!

4 years ago today.:)

Here I am stepping through the hedge. In August of 2004, it did nothing but rain in Tennessee everyday so it was muddy. I was trying to be careful not to slip.:)

I love the looks on my husband's face in our wedding pictures.:)

That's my sister in the pink and our friend Mike in the green with yellow Croc's.:)

This picture really highlights the fact that I was 7 months pregnant, but I like it anyway. He's putting the ring on my finger.

I had to crop someone's hand out of this one. It's one of my favorites.

Again, the look on my husband's face kills me.:) I'm trying not to cry in this one.:)

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Tennessee state of mind

I don't do change well. I get into grooves and I like to stick with them. For example, I drive exactly the same route to work everyday and home again. I've had the same job for years despite being qualified to do other things. I wish someone would hire me away from there. I keep thinking that if, and when, we move away things will be different. I do not plan to move many hours away from here and still work at Domino's after all!

It is nice to know I have that to fall back on.:) Yay for job skills, I guess.

I was looking at pictures last night of places I've lived at different points in my life. Of things I've lost. Of things I still have. Getting all melancholy. It's amazing how different my life has become over the years. This town has not changed much though. Murfreesboro is still pretty much the same. Yes, it is bigger and has more people and all that stuff, but it has the same feel to it. Tennessee is the same as it has ever been. It made me realize that no matter where we go, Tennessee will always be the same. It is a state of mind thing I guess.

One of my friends wrote a song that says it best for me. I am not typing in the whole thing though. Here's some excerpts:

"Smoky Mountains stretchin' forth/But they don't look the same to me
That old highway reaching forth/Goes a little too far for me....
From the Mississippi up to Cherokee/It'll always be our home...

Well it's hard out on our own/We don't know which way to go,
But she tells me it's all right/There's some things you don't need to know anyway,
But I can hear the river call to me/I hear the catfish jump in my head,
The closest that I get to Tennessee/is when I'm lying with her in bed.

So I hold her tight, like a Kudzu vine
Climbing higher up the tree,
This morning, I woke up in New Hampshire,
Fell asleep in Tennessee"
("Fell Asleep in Tennessee"--Mike LaBo)

The whole song is amazing. Actually, all of his music is incredibly touching to me. If you want to hear it, click here to go to his MySpace music page because I could not figure out how to embed music in a post. :)

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Look what my husband made me!!

Okay, he did not really make it. He just stripped about 3 layers of paint off. And the paint stripper did not work. So he used this heat lamp and a scraper. It took weeks and weeks. Then he stained it several times. Then he put some sort of shiny stuff on it so it would not be sticky and stink anymore.

Even Quincy says it's pretty. I agree, although the picture does not do it justice. The lighting in our bedroom is bad. It's the one on the left.

Pretty cool, huh?

If you have a minute, there was an article about my husband's band in the local paper this weekend. Click here to read the article. Click here to hear the band.

Monday, August 25, 2008

When it rains, it pours!

So I had that interview last week, haven't heard anything from it. Not dwelling on it though. The principal of a local high school called me after 9 p.m. last night for an interview today. It lasted an hour. I think I could have talked more, because a lot of it was him explaining stuff about the position to me. Then he brought in the head of the English department, who explained more. At this point, I was convinced he was going to offer me the position then and there. But, no! He shook my hand and said that he'd make a decision by the middle of the week, maybe sooner, and that if I was the right person for the job, he'd call. Anyone good at interview nuances?? It didn't seem especially positive to me.

About the one I'm waiting to hear from, it was an EA position. That means not really a teaching position, just assisting. Basically, that's less pay. $1450 a month before taxes and insurance vs. $3600 a month before taxes and insurance. Still, if they call, I'd take it because I don't know about the other one.

As an added bonus, I got a phone call a little while ago asking to interview for yet another position at a middle school. That's my ideal, by the way. I want to teach 6th or 7th grade. I feel much better about the classroom management at that age. Also, the interview is with my assistant principal from the high school I graduated from many years ago.:) That makes me feel good about it. It is at 8:30 in the morning though. :(

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Places I Would Like to Live...Someday

We probably will never live all of these places because we would have to move a lot and I hate moving. I've been thinking a lot about other places I would rather be than Middle Tennessee. Here's a sampling:

Chattanooga, Tennessee. I've been here many times and I love the feel of it and it's not Middle Tennessee.

Evansville, Indiana. I just love this town, plus it is close to New Harmony, which my family has gone to every summer for years.

Brevard, NC. Just the other side of the Great Smoky Mountains National Park.

Colorado Springs, Colorado. Just at the foot of Pike's Peak, it's beautiful.

Portland, Oregon. I've re-watched Rachael Ray's "$40 a Day" set in Portland many times and it makes me want to go there. But then, so many places I'd like to live are because of Food Network.

Seattle, Washington. Again, seen it on Food Network and HGTV and I think it looks like a great city!

Friday, August 22, 2008

It seems like a lifetime ago

(I wanted this to post on 8-21, but it's 12:10 a.m. on 8-22 and I just got home from work so that wasn't possible)

In 1999, I turned 26 years old. I was married to my first husband and we found out that I was pregnant in February or March. We were excited, especially once I got past the 12 week point that I had miscarried at before. We went for the ultrasound and they didn't say much really. Then I went to see my ob/gyn the next week and he said that, based on my ultrasound, he was referring me to a maternal-fetal specialist in Nashville. An appointment was made for me to go in mid-May. No one had told me that anything was wrong at that point.

My mother took me to Nashville for my appointment. When we got to the specialist's office, they did another ultrasound. The tech who did it said nothing. She just said that she would get the doctor and he would explain it to me. She also went and got my mom. The doctor came in and explained that my baby had no kidneys and no bladder and that there was very little amniotic fluid. Did I remember having a gush of any sort? I said that I didn't. He explained further that the amniotic fluid is what helps the baby to learn to breathe and that with no kidneys, there was nothing that could be done for my baby. Essentially, this was a condition incompatible with life. He offered to do a placental biopsy that day to try and figure out what went wrong. Was it genetic? He didn't know.

The biopsy itself didn't hurt. It was a large needle and he stuck it through my abdomen into the placenta in my uterus. While he had it in there, he wiggled it around because sometimes that could cause a miscarriage. I was on Medicaid at the time and would have to carry until I delivered if I didn't miscarry. I went home not knowing the results of the biopsy.

I think he called with the results the next day. That's the only part I don't remember. The baby was a boy and was genetically perfect. It was an an anomaly or a series of anomalies, really. He had Potter's Syndrome and, if you look it up, it really does say, "This condition is incompatible with life."

My life carried on. Although, there was no baby shower. No baby gifts. No baby anything. Just this baby who remained inside me and only lived because of that. As the summer wore on, I grew a little larger. Not much since there was no fluid. Potter's babies develop smaller than normal babies because they are in a cramped space. He kicked and moved often though. It just hurt much worse than when Quincy kicked and moved because there was no cushion.

Finally, after midnight on August 21, I went into labor. I went to labor and delivery, where I was already 5 centimeters dilated. They hooked me up a fetal monitor and offered me an epidural. By the time the anesthesiologist got there, I was at 10 centimeters so I got a spinal block instead. Prior to that, they gave me Stadol, which didn't help much. I remember a few pushes. Someone switched off the fetal monitor. No one said anything.

My first son, Christian, was born and died on August 21, 1999.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Bits & Pieces

I have a whole lot of random things swimming around in my head so I'm bulleting this post.
Things I've noticed today:

  • Staying up til 5 a.m because I can't sleep and then getting up at 9 really makes me feel like I'm coming down with something
  • It also kills any motivation I have to call about open positions
  • My boobs feel like they are on fire. Supposedly, I could cure this by not drinking caffeine. Not gonna happen.
  • Good job interview means I am assuming I got a job and we all know what happens to people who assume, right?
  • Bob the Builder was teaching my child what a camera obscura is earlier. I even listened.
  • The Wonderpets talking directly to me kind of freaks me out. Also, it's a little weird when they hand me celery and apple. It reminds me of Fahrenheit 451, which creeps me out. Yet, I feel a bit of admiration that they are breaking the 4th wall on Nickelodeon. It's very metatheatre. See, I paid attention in grad school!
  • Am I the only one who thinks it's ironic that a men's haircolor marketed to Baby Boomers is called Touch of Gray? Not just because it's meant to cover gray, but also the hidden reference to the Grateful Dead song of the same name.
  • A watched pot really doesn't boil.
  • Also, if I don't watch chicken'n'dumplings, even if they are on low, they will stick.
I had a lot of observations today for someone who did pretty much nothing except lay around the house. I did go to Tractor Supply Company, where Quincy threw a fit because we would not buy him a pink tractor ride-on toy with pedals. Yeah.

Amazing how the Internet can touch you

i just discovered a blog yesterday that is beautifully done. It has amazing pictures, but what most catches your eye is the current post detailing the plane crash that the author (Nie Nie) and her husband were involved in on Saturday. They have small children and there are pictures of them on her blog. It's called The Nie Nie Dialogues and it's just so touching.

Her sister has updates posted on her blog, which is called c jane enjoy it. Reading those updates will make you tear up. She also has posted ways that the family can be helped as they are facing skin grafts and rehab from the extensive burns sustained in the crash.

You can read about the family at either site. They are the Nielsons and I hope that they end up okay after all of this. Please go read about them and think happy thoughts for them.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Successful Toddler Cooking Experience

Last night, I attempted to involve the toddler in making dinner. So far, the only thing he has enjoyed doing is dumping the macaroni into the water for Velveeta Shells'n'cheese. I didn't know if he'd help with a casserole or not, but he did. He put the Frito's and shredded cheddar on top.

Here's the recipe in case you want to try it:

Mexican Casserole (I call it Chili Pie)

1 lb. ground beef
1 medium onion , chopped
1 tsp. pepper
1 tsp. salt
1 16 oz. can tomatoes with juice
1 8 oz. can tomato sauce
1 16 oz. can chili beans, drained (I didn't drain them. Maybe that's why it was runny..oops)
1 pkg. chili seasoning mix (I used Chili-O)
1/2 lb. sharp cheddar cheese, shredded
Corn chips

Saute beef and onion, add salt and pepper. Add remaining ingredients, except for beans, cheese, and corn chips. Cook on medium heat for 30 minutes (nope--can't do it--it will stick. I cooked on medium for maybe 10 minutes and then almost on low for the rest). Add beans. Pour into casserole and top with cheese and corn chips. Bake 20 minutes in a 350 degree oven.

Quincy ate a whole bowl of this last night so it's toddler approved, I guess.:)

See, there's only half a casserole left!!

Monday, August 18, 2008

I Saw the Painting on the Wall

We are in the midst of potty training. I think we're doing pretty good and then we have days like the yesterday. It was a difficult potty day I guess since Quincy may have pooped in the potty once. May. If he did, it was after I went to work. This is what happened before:
  • one poop in the nighttime pull-up before I even took it off
  • one poop in the training pants I out on next because he "just didn't feel like pooping in the potty"
  • another poop in the pull-up he had on for maybe 10 minutes in order to go somewhere (we have to quit using those in the daytime)
After that last poop, but before I had discovered and changed it, he came up to me dancing around and grinning and I suspiciously said, "What did you do?" I know from past experience that dancing and grinning are usually bad.

He answered me, "There's poop on your wall..he he he" and giggled for a full minute.

I said, "What?!!"

He said, "There's poop on your wa..all" and grinned angelically.

Indeed there was. A lovely fingerpainting done entirely in poop.

Edited to add: I highly recommend this poop post by Temptingmama!

Saturday, August 16, 2008

A Day in the Life

Well, today was interesting--in the way that life with a 3 year old always is. He got up later than usual and I was very happy for that. The 6:30 wake-up time was killing me. Once he ate though, he was ready to go and do something. First, though, he had to ask me difficult questions. Let me see if I can put this delicately. He asked, "Mommy why does something in my diaper area keep getting big?" That actually sounds worse than the way he put it--kind of. He used the words "peepee" and "h%*d." I'm trying to avoid weird google hits though. Anyway, I told him that that's just something that happens to boys. I guess that satisfied him because he didn't ask again. How would you have explained this? I mean, he's 3. I don't think it needed to get too graphic.

Next, he got it in his head that he needed his big dump truck in from outside. I said, "No, it's covered in dirt." I tried the "it's too cold outside to go get it" argument. That one didn't fly. In no time, I heard the back door open and out went my naked from the waist down little boy with no shoes on. It actually was chilly so he came right back in. Of course, he only came in to get dressed and go back out.

Then, we were off to Walmart. I never know if it will be a good trip to the store or not. It depends on how many times we say, "No." 2 weeks ago, he had to be taken out to the car until he calmed down. This time, he only got really upset when his daddy pushed the cart. I have no idea why. If I wasn't pushing the cart, then he was screaming and carrying on for me to do it. I never push the cart. We got out of there for under $100 so it was pretty good. Afterwards, he tried to run wild through Panera Bread, but was caught before he got far.

Do your kids try to run off in public? Do they laugh about it as they run away? What do you do? I've tried just not chasing him, but he's so stubborn that he just goes further and further away. Supposedly, they want to be chased. It's a game. Quincy apparently just wants to run away.

Friday, August 15, 2008

Wasting Time

Instead of trolling Craigslist for jobs, I am looking around for video of my latest obsession--Coyote Shivers. Okay, mostly the song "Sugar High." I listen to this song probably 10+ times a day.

You can find it here at Youtube or part of it here at Lastfm. The whole song is on the YouTube video. This is my go to good mood song. Well, this and Self's "So Low" and Bright Eyes "At the Bottom of Everything."

None of the above is classic feelgood music I guess. It just shows my current got-no-sleep/wanna crawl back in bed mood. Plus Coyote Shivers is kinda cute, although by all accounts, he's a jerk (and that's putting it nicely).

(Okay I think he's cute.)

There's way too many links in this post. Sorry about that. Just sharing music that interests me!

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Okay, Seriously??!!

(an open letter to the schools in my county)

Dear Schools,

Okay, I get it. My contract was non-renewed last Spring, but, really, I am available for an interview anytime. I look professional. I sound professional. I know how to teach. I have been to at least 15 schools--some of them twice----this summer. Schools with open positions. And, yet, how many interviews have I gotten in this county??? None. Not even for an EA position. I get that I have a Master's degree and have to be paid more and we are in a budget crisis and blah blah ladi da blah. Really though, could you just call me for an interview instead of throwing away my resume as soon as I walk out the door?? Be cause that's what what I feel like is happening and it's really frustrating me. I have to work. I have student loans to pay off. I have a family. I can't just move where the jobs are, although in June I did plan on doing that. At least call me about an EA position, even a Special Ed. EA position. I would be happy with one of those and I don't have to be paid more because of my education. I'm very annoyed with this situation. I do not want to teach preschool for $8 and hour. I love small children, but not 10 at a time plus most of those jobs are not full-time.

Okay, I am not annoyed enough to take a job if offered, let me point that out. :) I would be more than happy to take anything least until my husband finishes school. (then I'll probably quit and move somewhere where it snows--but you didn't hear that from me!)


Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Proof That My Son is Really a Monkey!

Here's a photo series that proves my son's monkeylike tendencies. He climbs on everything. These particular pictures are from the front porch where he was supposedly playing with sidewalk chalk.
(This one came out a little blurry. He moves too fast to capture sometimes!)
I thought maybe he was tiring out here. I was wrong!
Still not tired!!

I have no idea what he was saying here, but I'm sure it was fascinating! :)

Next time I do a photo essay I'll show you why he's a future construction worker.

Quantity vs. Quality

First off, Quincy is doing awesome. He was his funny, normal, dirt-loving, eating everything in sight self today. Last night, he slept all night for the first time in I don't know how long. Probably a year. So that sleep problems that I thought were fear of the dark or whatever--yeah, those were probably from that one tooth hurting. The only thing still the same is the screaming when we brush his teeth if he falls asleep first. I wish he'd quit sitting down and crashing when my back is turned.

I'm very reflective tonight in general. Was thinking on the way home about relationships where you spend all your time with the person vs. not. In my experience, spending all your time together results in annoyance. Usually it's me getting annoyed. I need me time. I mean, I always want my husband around but he stays up really late and I don't anymore. If he's here, I go to sleep way before him and he's bored. Of course, I get up at 7 and am bored sometimes since I'm the only one up.

This isn't the only relationship it's been that way in. I've never found spending all my time with someone to be good. Absence really does make the heart grow fonder. I've also had relationships where for whatever reason I saw the person for maybe a weekend here or there and tried not to be pathetic about that the rest of the time. However, every relationship I've been in like that has been awesome. I mean, you're always happy to see them. They're always happy to see you. You never argue, because why waste time arguing? (If you know what I mean:)) When I don't see my husband as much, it's a good thing. Is that bad?

Monday, August 11, 2008

Bloggy Bloggy Contest

This is very cool! Kirsty at My Life For The World To See hit 10,000 hits today!!
To celebrate, she is hosting a giveaway for $35 in gift certificates.

All you have to do to enter is follow that link up there (go ahead--click on it!) and leave a comment with a link to where you posted about it on your blog.

It's very easy. If I can do it, so can you!

Quincy is Crazy

He may not look like it, but really, what child runs around with small scissors trying to cut everything?? Or eats Cheetos with chopsticks? All while not wearing pants?

Everything is back to normal here!! He's even asking for food that isn't soft and eating it without complaint. Of course, I didn't give him the Frito's he wanted. Too hard for newly crowned teeth.

He drove my sister nuts last night I think. He apparently got into the guinea pig cage and scared poor MoeMoe the guinea pig. They don't like being cornered. Then she took off his bandaid and, in his words, "I did not want her to. I told her not to. So I chased her into Ashleigh's room and onto the bed...." He stopped at that point. It's probably made up, don't you think?

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Blah, Blah, Blah........Ramble, Ramble On

Sometimes I stop writing at the end of posts because I think it's a good stopping point. Whatever feels right, you know? I did that the other night at the end of my song post with that Goo Goo Dolls song that expresses the really unrealistic picture of love. That's love at 16 in that song I think. Infatuation really. Didn't mean to give the impression that I expected marriage to be that way. This is my second marriage. I know better.

I know that marriages are built on trust, for instance. Mutual beliefs and adoration help, too. I adore my husband. Even when he's annoying or he farts on me (that's not cute by the way), he's adorable. He cracks me up when I am mad. He has amazingly similar views on lots of things and even his dissimilar views are interesting. All night last night, after a question about whether it was cheating to talk to a friend of the opposite sex, he called me at work and asked who I had cheated on him with. I actually talked to the most annoying guy that I work with last night off and on all night. My husband kept saying, "Him?? Again??" It was very funny and I giggled all night. I'm sure my co-workers thought I was nuts. I'm also certain that it wasn't the first time some of them thought that. Here's a picture of him since I talk about him all the time:

Now, I'm going to get all philosophical. I explain this in a way that doesn't give me a headache. The key word there is me. This is from years of reading philosophy. I've really distilled my own views down pretty simply.

We are pretty much the same belief-wise with a few differences that are not important. I believe in the Calvinist principle of predestination, which states God "freely and unchangeably ordained whatsoever comes to pass." God has complete control over everything. Essentially, everything happens for a reason. Every good thing and every bad. People come into your life at the exact moment and in the exact manner that they are meant to. And this is all planned out for you. I don't necessarily believe in free will. I think that choice is an illusion and that, even before we think we've made a decision, that decision was already made. This is where my husband and I differ and maybe it's because he's coming at it from a scientific background. He says that it's not that our decisions have already been made for us, but studies show we make our decisions even before being offered the choices. These are scientific studies done in some lab somewhere. Don't ask me. Google it. He also said something about we take every choice offered because of quantum...and that's where it went over my head. I just think it supports my assertion that we don't have free will.

This quote pretty much sums up what I believe: "Spinoza....was unwavering in his application of determinism to the psychological domain. The behavior and mental life of human beings are completely determined and cannot, therefore, be different from what they are. We often think we are free or choose freely in a sense implying the absence of causal determination; but this belief is a consequence of our ignorance of the causes that determined our action or choice. Because the term “free will” was often used to explain behavior that was believed to be immune to explanation by underlying causes, Spinoza rejected this view of the concept. Moreover, it is absurd to praise and blame people since they are and do what they must be and do. We should rather seek to understand the causes of their actions and states of mind." History of Ideas Even though, as stated, we are ignorant "of the causes that determined our action or choice." Therefore, life is predestined or predetermined. Still, this person explaining Spinoza puts it all better than I can.

I use predestination and determinism interchangeably and I probably shouldn't do that. They are two differing concepts in philosophy, sort of. This is probably why I didn't major in philosophy. It is fun to discuss though. These are the thoughts that keep me up at night. Scary, huh?? Maybe I'll try to explain Kierkegaard next.

Saturday, August 09, 2008

The Day in Bullets

I have a big, rambling post in my head, but it's all philosophical and I'm too tired to state it clearly, so here's the breakdown of my day:
  • Number of hours Quincy actually slept last night: 3
  • Number of hours he spent moaning in his sleep every 2 minutes: at least 2, maybe 3
  • Number of hours I slept: maybe 4
  • Number of hours the husband slept in blissful ignorance: around 8
  • Number of times I was annoyed at work tonight: 5+
  • Number of times I was called a trouble maker: once
  • Number of times I was called an angry young woman: once

Two people actually called me young tonight. One thought I was 26. It made my night. Well, that, and the fact the Quincy is asleep in his bed right now not moaning (I probably just jinxed myself there!)

My life in song

It's amazing how quickly a memory of a time in my life or a person can come rushing back on hearing a certain song. For instance, the Sex Pistols "Anarchy in the U.K." epitomizes my senior year of high school and freshman year of college. So does the Violent Femmes "Add it Up."

Then there's "Sugar Magnolia" by the Grateful Dead. I desperately wanted to be someone's Sugar Magnolia, that woman who could do anything and do it well and be gazed at adoringly by her lover.

Summer of 1995--the Dead again--this time "Not Fade Away" and the promise that "Our love will not fade away." Yeah, a guy said that. I was 22 and I fell for it.

Later that same summer, there was Janis Joplin's "Me and Bobby McGee," which my best friend and I listened and sang to at the top of our lungs while we drove around town.

Then I moved out and I was all about the Doors and Ani DiFranco. I felt that the lines of "Untouchable Face" which say,

"I see you and I'm so perplexed
What was I thinking?
What will I think of next?
Where can I hide?"

could have been written by me. They weren't, but they echoed in my head a lot, usually after a bad relationship. I still love that song actually. Along with "Out of Habit" and the lines: "My thighs have been involved in many accidents" and "My c*%t is built like a wound that won't heal," which I still sing at the top of my lungs when I listen to it.

Moving on, my ideas about love really have come from songs. Who doesn't listen to a particularly romantic line and think, "Oh, wow"? There was definitely a point in my life when I thought that marriage would be like "Iris" by the Goo Goo Dolls.

"And I'd give up forever to touch you,
Cause I know that you feel me somehow.
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be,
And I don't want to go home right now.

And all I can taste is this moment,
And all I can breathe is your life,
And sooner or later it's over,
I just don't want to miss you tonight."

I think my marriage was like that maybe for the first year. I kind of miss that.

Friday, August 08, 2008

Oh no..fever..!!

When we brought Quincy home after his surgery, they told us to watch out for fever. He hasn't had much of any. I expected a little maybe. Well, this afternoon, he reached 101.9 and I had to call his pediatrician. I have to check him again in a bit and see if it's back up, but it was not at midnight.

What else is going on around here? Not much. Mostly me monitoring the toddler and the toddler hitting me for checking his temp. It's fun being a mom. I get beat up often.

I forgot. Wendy over at Notes from the Sleep Deprived gave me a "You Make me Smile" award. I have to nominate five people who make me smile. That's hard. So many people make me smile.:)
If I nominate you, then you have to nominate five other people.

I nominate (wow I just used that word a lot):

Bragger at Bragger because I enjoy reading about her world

Sammanthia at The Edge of Insanity because I think her posts are funny

Wendy at Notes From the Sleep Deprived (there's no rule about nominating the person who nominated you, right?)

Lindsay at Suburban Turmoil because she makes me giggle

Kevin at Always Home and Uncool because he makes me laugh out loud when I read his posts.

Thursday, August 07, 2008

If I were a betting woman....

Quincy is back to himself today, which seems impossible. He's doing everything normally but eating. He says that eating hurts. He's probably right. Don't you think eating would hurt the day after you got 6 crowns?

On a me note, I have had the worst sinus headache ever since last night. Sudafed didn't make a dent in it. I'd take Excedrin, but I took 12 hour Sudafed, which always works. Ugh. I have to close at Domino's tonight. Ugh, again.

On another me note, I wrote a post about 2 weeks ago about this boy I used to know in Illinois and guess what?? Through some luck, he heard about it, commented, and emailed me. The Internet truly is sometimes like a big family. I mean, really, what are the odds??

I have to go boil a brat for my son. He insists he'll eat it and it won't hurt. He told me that jello hurt earlier so we'll see. I'll bet he eats one bite and no more. What do you think?

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Quincy is Home

He made it through fine, but the dentist put on six crowns instead of the planned two. He said that instead of doing the fillings, he'd just go ahead and cap those teeth also. It only took an hour.

The Verced at the beginning was really hard to get down him. He spit some out and I think he might be permanently red in some places. Once it kicked in, he was very funny. Falling over. Laughing. He was happy to leave with the nurses.

The anesthesiologist told me that not only would he have a mask, but they were putting a tube down his nose and throat to help him breathe and he had an IV.

He was crying when we got to go back afterwards. He ate a push-up type popsicle to get something on his stomach. Then he screamed about the IV still in his leg and kind of clawed at it. They had just given him morphine, but you wouldn't have known it. After 15 minutes, they took out the IV and gave me directions for dealing with him (fluids, soft foods, codeine) and sent us on our way.

We're home and he's sleeping. Now I just need someone to go to the store and fill his pain med for me. I'm the only one awake in the house!

Big Day

I've been spending time with Quincy the past few days. He's very funny and he asks just the cutest things except one question begets another and another and another. I usually ask him why he asks so many questions. He never answers me. He just asks another question. Normally, they are about his two obsessions--air conditioners and anything involved in construction.

Tomorrow, he has a very big day. We took him to a dentist about a year ago, but they did not want to frighten him so they did not clean or x-ray his teeth, even though I said that there were these spots on two of his molars. The dentist said that they were stains and not to worry about them. Even though I pointed out to the man, who was my childhood dentist, that my molars did not close correctly when I was a baby so I had 4 crowns at a very young age.

Fast forward to June of this year when we took Quincy to another dentist here. (Yes I know it had been almost a year since he went) This dentist was thorough. He cleaned his teeth and x-rayed. Those were not stains. They were cavities and two were down in the tooth pulp. These were, coincidentally, on the same two teeth I pointed out to the other dentist. He has four other minor cavities--very tiny. Tomorrow morning at 8 a.m. my baby, who has never set foot in a hospital since being born, gets put under to have crowns and fillings. I will be freaking out in the waiting room. I hope it doesn't take long. but they have to drill and make crowns that fit right and do whatever else is involved. I have a bad feeling it will take a while. Plus Quincy has reacted in weird ways to stuff (he's allergic to penicillin and neither of us are) so what if he's allergic to the anesthesia?? What then?? They'll have to sedate me. :)

Think about us tomorrow morning. I'll be chewing my lip in a waiting room.

Saturday, August 02, 2008

3 Posts in One Day

How Sad! I even worked today. However, the husband is still in Johnson City and I have very little to occupy my weekend time as is. So I got tagged over at The Edge of Insanity
to list 7 weird and unknown things about myself. Here goes:

1. I would probably leave my husband for Chris Carrabba or Conor Oberst . Sorry, honey!

2. I'm really an Emo girl at heart.

3. I have 9 tattoos.

4. I was married once before. He lives with his mother. Nuff said.

5. I practically lived in Doc Martens in college and grad school.

6. I minored in French and still speak it passably.

7. I once had to take a girlfriend to court and get a restraining order against her. This was between husbands.

There's some conversation starters there!

Now to tag 7 other people who haven't already done this.


1. Bragger

2. Mom-101

3. Lost in Translation

4. McMama

5. Tales of a Misguided Mommy

I really don't have anymore people to tag, but if I think of two more I'll add them! Going to see if there's anything on TV now.

I am such a geek

I am so thrilled though that my 3 year old just sang part of the intro to Bright Eyes "At the Bottom of Everything"

"Where are we going?

We're going to a party

It's a birthday party

It's your birthday darling

We love you very, very, very, very much!!!!"

He even sang it with all the very's. You can't see it, but I am dancing around with glee!!

My dilemma

Okay, maybe it's not a dilemma so much as me being unreasonable and possibly irrational. Thing is, I know I'm being that way. I just can't stop myself sometimes.

The husband doesn't want any more children. He has practical and selfish reasons for this. Such as:
--Quincy is about to start kindergarten so he can soon get up and take him to school, then go about his day (this probably means go back to sleep)

--If we had another child, he would have to get up with it and be up all day. He feels this would end his life as he knows it. Never mind that he is often awake all day.

--He would no longer be able to go play shows because he would need to be here.

--By his calculations, we can afford to have another child in 15 years when I am 50. I have pointed out the ludicrousness of this statement.

In the meantime, over in my corner, I would like to have another baby eventually. Not tomorrow. Maybe not this year. I just want to possibility open.

His philosophy is that if God graces us with another child, then so be it. But he doesn't want to try. This makes me feel like if I did get pregnant, then I would feel like he didn't want it. It would be an accident. Just once, I'd like to try for a child, to be happy upon seeing those two lines, and not panicky. Is that too much to ask??