Okay, maybe it's not a dilemma so much as me being unreasonable and possibly irrational. Thing is, I know I'm being that way. I just can't stop myself sometimes.
The husband doesn't want any more children. He has practical and selfish reasons for this. Such as:
--Quincy is about to start kindergarten so he can soon get up and take him to school, then go about his day (this probably means go back to sleep)
--If we had another child, he would have to get up with it and be up all day. He feels this would end his life as he knows it. Never mind that he is often awake all day.
--He would no longer be able to go play shows because he would need to be here.
--By his calculations, we can afford to have another child in 15 years when I am 50. I have pointed out the ludicrousness of this statement.
In the meantime, over in my corner, I would like to have another baby eventually. Not tomorrow. Maybe not this year. I just want to possibility open.
His philosophy is that if God graces us with another child, then so be it. But he doesn't want to try. This makes me feel like if I did get pregnant, then I would feel like he didn't want it. It would be an accident. Just once, I'd like to try for a child, to be happy upon seeing those two lines, and not panicky. Is that too much to ask??